life

Saturday

2008-04-26T14:28:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago the nine year old son of Friend or mutual friend died, he as playing on his bunk beds and somehow strangled himself. The dad is Mr$ a local entrapener that Prof sometimes works for. He is part of their circle that includes Mrs wide and her hubby who works at a Keyboard company. Mrs wide told me in the park as my son and her two girls played, sort of drama people like i suppose. I must admit i avoided asking exact questions and just said, it was terrible. I also avoided contacting Mutual friend. To my shame, i just didn't want the tragedy on me. I still feel the weight though. Today Mutual friend phoned and asked us out on a walk with her friends and children,oddly i went to, often id take the opportunity to be alone at home, but not this time. Long walk to Powder mills and round.
Returning Prof got me alone and asked for tobacco but i didn't have any, then he said he was going to have a "balloon of skunk" , which confused me, Skunk i under stood but "balloon"?... he explained Mr $ gave him a load of Skunk and a £350 vaporising machine, saying if he didn't take it he would throw it in the river... it raises questions about his son, maybe Mr$ was stoned and trying to help his dieing son? or more probably his death leads him to reassess the way he lived. Prof talked of Mr$ in a matter of fact way, as if nothing had happened. He called me into his shed, and showed me the machine, that heats "herbs" up to 117c and blows out the smoke/vapor into a clear plastic bag. It had a closeable valve on the end that when the bag was removed you could close then open to inhale the smoke. It filled and he took a big wif, i declined, drugs scare me. I made my excuses and left for a cup of tea that waited me in the house. Soon he came back in and was animated and stoned...Its an ill wind ah...

Years ago Mr$ when chatting about the future with Mr Wide and friends, they all were stoned and when the subject of what they were all going to do came up he said he was going to be a millionaire, which id say he is now. the others laughed as he seemed the least likely to succeed. He has a ruthless streak, and isn't that cleaver i guess that helps.

Mrs Handy

2008-03-06T11:49:00.000-08:00

Been to see her this morning, she had the funeral bill, it came to £1100. the cardboard coffin was £250, the van driver got £20 and it cost £60 to rent it.... she looked old at times, and sometimes quiet and rubbing her red eyes. Her sons girl friend is staying while her son is off on a course (but she was at work). She mentions Mr H often, its not then she gets upset, its the quiet times, she obviously had been crying on her own before i arrived. She showed me the new kitchen the council had just put in, the council surveyor came to look it over, and Mrs H filled out a satisfaction form, counting back on a calender.... to find the days the cupboards had been put in..counting it round her husband dieing and the funeral.

Friday

2008-02-29T12:37:00.000-08:00

Yesterday i went to visit Mrs handy, we sat in the tiny kitchen, newly fitted by the council. She as by turns jolly then very very down as reality hit us both. her honorary granddaughter and her babe are staying keeping her occupied.

I'm still pretty down about it all, nothing much seems important to do now.

Monday

2008-02-25T13:03:00.000-08:00

Mrs Handy phoned this morning to say she was back. I said id visit on Thursday. She sounded so tired, so old.

She told me she had lots to do as the flat was covered in dust from the new kitchen the council had put in. She has the honorary grand daughter and her baby staying, she needs it poor lady.

thusday

2008-02-08T03:27:00.000-08:00

This morning i had to talk to a fellow parent to arrange getting our son hauled to school and the cheeky woman accused me of having Man Flu!

I have had flu once, i had Genuine Asian Flu during a killer epidemic so i know how bad it can be. And believe me if id been in a position at the time to protest i'd have been in hospital. Anyway i thin i ve had a very odd sort of flu but im recovering.

Wednesday Al my limbs ached especially my hips, my jaw had alternating shooting pains both sides with swollen neck. I spent most of the day trying to fix the car in the street and felt terrible.

Wednesday/Thursday night was spent with every movement bringing on uncontrollable shakes and shivers and then extreme sweats when i couldnt bear any touching of my skin. My mouth felt and tasted like putty and i got dehydrated to an extent that i was weeing caustic syrup (eeek)

Thursday had a over the phone consultancy with the doctor who as predicted pronounced it a Flu type virus that going round, take paracetamol and drink much more. A day of semi delirium and drinking fruit juice and water, sweats like you wouldn't believe. Alternately burning up then shuddering.

Thursday/ Friday night. Under a duvet on settee watching all night telly with shivering seating and jolting awake as i fell asleep/passed out (you know that horrible sort of choking thing)....

Thursday Feeling ok ish to day ok to eat something more solid than grape juice still seating though. And im sore somewhere a man down like to be sore from dehydrated wee!

All this is described by the doc as like flu without the runny nose or sneezing its most odd.........

Friday

2008-02-01T11:46:00.000-08:00

Shunted our lad to a friend to take to school as we had to get to the crematorium at nine. Had to stop half way due to worry about the cars ability to cool its self, we got there early anyway. Waited by the same door i did with Ms Fussy's funeral, eventually Handy's neighbour arrived then others... eventually his wife. The van drew up as if it were a hurse, even driven by a top hatted funeral director with a big white beard. Complete with well barrow logo and the phone number of the gardener who lent it, it rolled past the door and we saw the "cardboard box" It was big, bigger than he was, and oddly printed with very fake wood grain with six plain carrying strops on either side. It had a CD player on top and the obligatory bunch of flowers. His lads took a handle along with one grandson, who dithered so one had to carry one side all himself. I didn't go forwards, feeling his dead weight would have been to terrible for words.

Inside to an odd mix of music on the CD player on the box, at one time it seemed to be the wedding march! His red headed son stood up and said some things about his dads life. He met his wife at 14 on a school trip, married at 16 as she was pregnant. Worked in an iron ore mine, got a job making farm gates etc built himself and the kids a boat for the local canal then a sailing boat called "rust" out of steel, was asked to make an boat for someone, said yes without having the skill or premasis, build a shed and made the boat and eventually made 10 or 12 big pleasure boats for tourist transportation. Built his own boat sailed round France and med, to arrive back where i first met him more than 20 years ago..... The chav neighbour from across the road got up and said what a good friend he had been to her, extracting her from her "bad relationship" her ex was a heroin addict and her and her two kids needed extracting. He rented a van and helped her do a flit in the night, her ex returned to smash al her house windows one night (his children inside terrified) I was surprised but she wanted to say something, she not usually outspoken. I must say Handy often referred to her and "that daft bitch across the road"...no one said anything else, his granddaughter was frantically sobbing all through, thrown on her mums shoulder. He went out to the fire with "I was Born Under A Wandering Star" a song he used to sing to his kids when they were young...

I didn't cry at my mums funeral, i didn't cry at my mates funeral i didn't cry at Our friends funeral, i did cry at this one.

We went back to the flat, filled with his offspring, and adopted offspring and some friends etc...So many Welsh accents. His wife talked of his dieing and how he was talking to the ambulance men, every step til he died in hospital not long after..4.15 in the morning, even the ambulance people looked shocked apparently. Chatted to the guys who looked hard drinking lads, one who fixed churches and historic building structures...One who survays boats and is now trying to unravel a boat place that built boats with no regard for the structural integrity and now has huge insurance claims...his daughter was there too, the one who's children were "registered carers" for...the one that boasted to her mother that she had 76 sexual partners (a few years ago now...) one son didn't come back from the Crematorium. The one with the clinically mad girl friend, I think she stopped him.

Thursday

2008-01-31T02:32:00.001-08:00

The day i'd usually visit.

Well its at nine now, but what with trafic and the weather
everyone will be late... so fuck'em.... the last one i went to there was CofE, the local vicar warbled on maybe i was the only one listening to what he said but every word seemed to reiterate what a slave religion Christianity is.

Andy was the most anti religion person ive ever met and his kids are of the same opinion. They are going to play some music he often listened to when working, which he didn't even know the name of..apparently its something classical that i found for him on the net. His wife is surrounded by her family thankfully, married since Andy got her pregnant at 16 they were never apart. Along the way he acquired various people he regarded as his family from the single mum across the road to his lads ex girl friends and their kids. He was a very open person who saw it as his duty to look after people. By turns infuriating and charming he had an ability of clear sight.

Andy was the most intelligent guy ive ever known. I knew him for over 20 years. It really is like loosing a parent to me.

Wednesday

2008-01-30T11:47:00.000-08:00

Well the funeral director is good, he's borrowed a van off his gardener (complete with picture of a wheelbarrow on the wide, its not a transit van but its a big white box renalt) But the crematorium has kicked up rough, saying it might upset the other mourners so instead of eleven o'clock the funeral is at nine in the morning...got to find some why of getting our son to school without us... as for those who might take his attitude as "humanist" maybe so , we are talking of a guy who wrote a letter to Putin telling him to stop going so soft on religion.

Yesterday morning while in Asda i chatted to Funky Black Baker, he said to give his best wishes to Mr Lecturer and wife and son. Last night phone Mr L and he was jolly and still joking about his illness. He was today to see the consultant and he just emailed me and said according to tests he was still stable..though he didn't trust anyone who thought he was stable...He said he had seen a great uncle in Yorkshire last month who was 92 and who had flown all over ocupied Italy during the war, and woudl still probably outlive him...

Tuesday

2008-01-29T11:27:00.000-08:00

Funerals on Friday, rather typically he's causing some trouble even now. We found a good undertaker for his wife but they cannot cremate a body in a black plastic rubbish bag as he requested, but they have a what amounts to a cardboard box and are renting a transit van (which may or may not have writing on the side, (probably renta van services or something.) She says they have been very good and kind and accommodating.

Apparently i may have to walk in with his three sons as "he thought a lot of me".....hearing that sort of upsets me more really.

Went to town this morning , drove past the road end to their house and past my friends grave. Went to shop to get a new car battery cheap, visited Weezy on the way back, she's off to hospital tomorrow to be fitted with a heat monitor as she sometimes cant walk 30 feet without getting out of breath. She maintains that every time she's fitted with a monitor her heart performs fine...Friday she's off to have her eyes looked at, she's getting double vision sometimes which maybe the drugs etc. She gave us xmas presents as we hadn't seen her since xmas as we all had horrible colds and didn't want to give her that.

This afternoon i phoned mutual friend just to talk to some one but she was working and Prof was there so we talked about metal and stuff...somehow i wanted feminine sympathy more but it was ok.

Tuesday

2008-01-29T06:44:00.000-08:00

They are doing a post mortem on Mr Handy today... i don't like to think about it.

Last night Miss Tortoise came round after her usual exhausting work day. She still working far to hard, last week though she had two full nights of "sound rogering" with her two unsuitable suitors... And last week she gave her water turtles to a guy who is an expert on them. The meet went off ok mainly i think as she went with one of the unsuitable suitors. Just after the turtle guy texted her and asked for a pic which she refused then he texted that she should have come alone then he could have "had" her over the car bonnet and did she want to join him and his bi sexual girl friend in a night of swinging. All of which was quite surprising.

Monday

2008-01-28T11:23:00.000-08:00

We just had a phone call. Mr Handy had a heart attack this morning. His wife heard him get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, then a thud, she got to him ,phoned an ambulance, the paramedics gave him something and loaded them in the van. On the way on empty streets but driving like mad they transferd her to the front seat, saying he was ok with this wonder drug... On the ward she was sitting with her son with Mr Handy the doctors asked them to go out for a moment... when they came back they were told he was dead....
Shit last week he was trying to get me to join his "ground braking computer program" and be rich beyond dreams...i said i really was too stupid and not as intelligent as he thought i was. Waffled on till he dropped the idea.
Shit he was the guy who i asked things of, he was the single most intelligent person i've ever met. Mrs handy has family all round her thankfully now...asked me to get funeral directors phone number the one who was sympathetic to our friends wishes... he wanted a transit van and cardboard box funeral... oh fucking shit

How do i feel now? I feel sad, i feel angry that another "best friend" has died... my face feels heavy....I cant believe it, he was the guy with the answers the guy who know about all sorts of things from the strength of metal to the wings of bird...An arch iconoclast and disrespecter of anyone who claimed to "know"..who do i ask now? who do i talk to every Thursday, who fucking who.

Thursday

2008-01-03T12:21:00.000-08:00

My friend Mrs handy is honorary auntie to two kids across the road, their mum is a bit clueless and father is an absent heroin addict who only comes round to smash the windows to look for money for his "habit".. anyway the kids are a little "ferrel" ...in fact pretty wild... the lad is 8 and for xmas got a PSP and wanted her to download something for him to use on it. Trouble is shes on win98 stil so she had to search for a program to link it up and found one, it requested a $5 donation for charity, the lad promised to pay the £2.50 out of his pocket money latter that day.......he arrived latter in usual buoyant mood on questioning he admitted he hadn't got any money now. he had been down town.......but had given his money to a homeless guy who hadn't anything to eat.....

Boxing day

2007-12-26T12:17:00.000-08:00

Went to Big Town to see if i could get a book with Mr Lecture's book tokens. in the street someone said hello and paused in that , almost past but i want to talk, sort of way and as i hadn't identified who it was i stopped.It was Slef, on her own looking very thin and sort of grey. I wouldn't normally chat to her but she seems keen to chat. Way back over 20 years ago i was shown into my Student hostel room, and sitting on the bed was Paul, i saw him and thought "oh fuck im sharing with a punk. He turned out to be not to bad, a laugh in his own way, but incredibly mean and tight. I lost lots of weight as we shared our food costs and he would only pay out for a Tesco's min pizza a day and we eat half each. I thought he was joking when he complained that i should pay double for sugar for our tea as i took tow spoons and he took one....but he wasn't. Anyway, he took up with Slef and i took up with the wife.... and now Slef informs us from about four foot away on a crowded street that He and she were braking up....When we left collage were were close friends, shared a studio, started a biz at same time as them. But they drifted away, they made some money, we didn't. They took up with people who were useful to them, Paul caressed his accounts book with glee...Moved from their boat to a council flat, got paid to move when the council wanted to knock the flats down. Got a mortgage, sold house had biz making little "eggs safes" etc. He wore "Coal Not Dole" badges at collage, but in busyness he exploited the various crap Make work scams. Armchair over heard two of his workers saying they hadn't worked in such a bad place to work, in fact it was worse than somewhere they worked and the boss hadn't paid them!. They moved to a big house on the main road. Then we heard they had a baby and the biz went belly up in a big big way, tax....they had to sell thier house and move to rented...we did bump into them at the Village bonfire party. Wife chatted amicably them, i more or less ignored them. She had post natal depression bad and a miscarrage, i cant imagine he was much help... and now they are parting, she's been off work with depression for a year. Working in the council, he's some sort of middle bod, we saw a job aplication for a post under him and that was a reason not to go for it...

Christmas day

2007-12-25T11:28:00.000-08:00

Well ive not been feeling very christmasy, in fact not a scrap christmasy. I just feel fatigued. Our son loved it though, getting up at five and swearing that he was Santa sleigh in the sky as it left after delivering his presents. yesterday a mum at the party said that one of the kids at school has been going round saying Santa dont exist. When asked why he replies that "he believes in god and if he believed in Santa then he would be clawed down to hell"....i fail to comprehend how a parent can do that to their child. His mum used to be a big wheel in the after school Kids Club but isn't now..its rumoured that she was asked to leave for being a Nutty Christian...fuck im knackered.

Monday

2007-12-24T09:59:00.000-08:00

yesterday the lad knocked on the door, sans anyone in sight. He was here to follow up on a promised Pokemon swap with our boy. He didn't stay, lieing granddad was lurking in the car outside. What nagging it must have taken to get him here even for a few mins.

Yesterday also went to acquaintances xmas "do" just a light thing of mince pies and mulled wine. We sat feeling out of place amongst the horsey people.

I'm just back from another do , combined with a mums hubby's birthday. Felt slightly out of place and they are all Mutual friends friends. They are nice enough and son gets on well with their older girl, though their youngest seems to have a psychopathic streek. Mr Bullshit was there as he's the brother of the hubby. Competitive mum was too, still rattling on about how children gets points at school etc. She is nice though, a nurse at the minor injuries unit in town... That's two "do's" surrounded with normal people, people with real jobs real money and holidays, they go windsurfing in winter and skiing etc....it was quiet depressing to realise how dull i am.

monday

2007-12-17T12:57:00.000-08:00

small empire building one, civilisation nil....the car park next to harrys school has banned al parents using it (its the car park of the "community hall and children's play ground) as they claim its against "Health And safety" ... so the road is deemed much safer. Tomorrow morning and afternoon should be fun, huge traffic jams on a tiny cul d'sac.... im going to beep just to annoy the residents who will then get on to the Hall Empire builders!

Friday

2007-12-14T12:41:00.001-08:00

some family history...

As far as i know the family goes thus... Rare sir name, either Hugonout thrown out of Holland/ Belgium in 1712ish or closely related to a manga robot suit....first reported as Wheel wrights in sussex. Way back they were Church Organ fitters till Granddad got recruited to make Mosquitoes in the war (made of ply wood and organ fitters laminated wood all the time) He fire watched on Hadley Pages roof all through the Blitz, armed with a bucket of water (for high explosive bombs) and a bucket of sand (for "fire bombs"). And worked all day in the number one target for the Luftwaffe. And still found time to build his own bungalow, which was the first residential home made of reinforced concrete (at least in the home counties) Occasionally he was plagued by architects visiting and asking how he did it....back in Victorian times my great granddad was a fine upstanding Church Organ fitter who would every night get drunk and walk home, along the Regents canal to happily knock his wife about till bed time... one day he didn't arrive home, the wife didn't report anything amiss, then the coppers found his body floating, face down, and she was "asked a few questions" but released..! Grandma on that side is almost 100 now and was a maker of fur coats and previously a Taxiderists sewing person (yes she sewed up stuffed elephants and lions for the aristocracy and some of her works are to be seen in Tring arm of the Natural History Museum)

Mums side are farm workers from way back, Granddad worked at Mentmoor Towers (bought by George Harrison and given to the Maharishi) (his relatives were Bargies and Lock Keepers on the Grand Union Canal, his great Uncle was the lock keeper at "Three Locks Tring" where there is still a pub that he would walk out of and fall in the canal every Saturday night) He was the milk boy hanging off the back of a milk tanker pulled by a team of four horses until he joined up under-age in WW1 where he said for the first time he had a full belly and under ware! Oddly posted as a cook to a cavalry regiment he trained at the infamous camp where a week latter there was a HUGE mutiny (he did say one of his mates managed to fall off a plank and stick his bayonet in a red cap..) Anyway the Cavalry got slaughtered the first action an event he viewed with some humour. After the war he went back to the farms and was a champion hedger and ditcher, then worked at GEC probably sweeping up as he couldnt wire a plug. Mum had one "flighty sister" who went with Americans in the war and wore a rabbit skin fur coat with shoulder pads, two brothers, one was in the RAF in WW2 in North Africa and kept a small album of pictures of dead Germans and became a Security guard, and one who was handicapped as he was illiterate from begin left handed and the school clouting him every time he tried to write at school....in his spare time he was a skilled gunsmith bt he worked carrying frozen food in a ware house.

Saturday

2007-12-08T12:51:00.000-08:00

Mt Lecture was down, so we went to town, typically as last time he aranged to meet on the train but he missed it. He's infuriatingly bad at time keeping, he turned up in his car soon after we got to town. We went on an endurance test of a shopping trip zigzagging at random over the town, hellishly crowded. He looked pinched in the face though not thinner in the body. he still jokes about his own demise, but looks worried tome at least.

Wednesday

2007-11-28T10:50:00.000-08:00

Talk of the car park is the "jobsworth" and how stupid he is...Frostie got really het up about it, i think the jobsworth is keeping a low profile, he didn't expect such an aggressive reaction.

I've got a comission and as always i say "Sure i can do that" even though i have no doubt its for no money, it one of them godawful Bolo tie things with a "cornish" (they mean crap celtic) theme.....fuckinhell

Tuesday

2007-11-27T12:11:00.000-08:00

Delivering son to school this morning, there was some bloke standing guard in the car park, copping people who were dropping off their children. I cottoned on he was some jobsworth from the "community hall" next door....apparently he's got a "thing" about people parking there to deliver their children. he's obviously been irritated by it for years and has now jumped on the health and safety bandwagon "its not safe, children will get run over " etc As if its safer to park in the street, stupid bastard!.. anyway he caught the Yorkshire man but left me alone as i looked like i might just deck the bastard....i await development, after school the parents sat on the park seat saying what an idiot he was, he was at the time inside the hall with the door open, so now he knows what we all think of him...basically a retired idiot who needs to feel important.

I went shopping on my way to fix up a CD rack for Weezy, went to cheepo shop to buy coal. I don't know about you but do you ever just feel pissed off and do something daring and possibly silly well i just was feeling abused by the world, paid for three bags of coal, went outside quickly (id been told the wheel clamper was lurking) to the store and picked up four...fuck em....i get ripped off al the fucking time why shouldn't i do it too...

Monday

2007-11-26T12:05:00.000-08:00

Godbotherer wanted me to fix her washing machine today but to be honest i didn't feel like it... im waiting now see if she phones back and i can do it tomorrow...

Thursday

2007-11-22T12:44:00.000-08:00

Urgent call from Godbotherer just as id settled in for the evening drinking tea and slouching out. Flip she wants me to fix her washing machine, it wont spin, she seemed confused by how to test how it did spin or if it didn't... so we went round. She cleared up and the house now looks nice and big. the washing machine was spinning fine, just not fine when you try to wash a hugely heavy pillow in it..... what the hell i was needed i haven't a clue...

Im off tomorrow to see Fivemum, at last she's got on the net, though im sure she keep the kids from it for fear of someone coming out of the monitor and killing them.

Sunday

2007-11-18T11:43:00.000-08:00

I've been soo very very pissed off for no reason for days, so tired of people who ask me something then ignore me or just do what the fuck they were going to do , WRONG' anyway..

Wife's been on the phoen to Mrs Tortoise, she "being selfish" which apparently means she's been going out with the nice guy and not the guy who used to beat her up all the time...and the "care provider" who are shit employers have decided to make her redundant along with all the "carers" but no have decided that they wont pay out redundancy money as most of the workers got taken on by another firm immediately.... which is fucking illegal... But she said " oh i will just see what happens.." I will tell you what will happens, you dipshits will be fucked over and the cunts will be laughing.

Friday

2007-11-09T12:13:00.000-08:00

Last Sunday went to Mutual friends fireworks party, the lad was their with Lieing Grandad. He didn't mix much and i ignored him, cunt. mutual friend has lots of "posh" friends, out of our league, posh cars and houses and attitudes.

Phoned Fivemum she was in a birthday for her youngest panic, she's sold seven of the eight puppies, for £150 EACH!...i put it to her that it was depressing to think that buy selling dogs she had made more money than she had made out of her art in her whole life....

Wednesday

2007-10-24T12:13:00.000-07:00

Phoned Fivemum, she's ok now, but the kids have been serially ill with throwing up/colds... all eight puppies are "fat as pigs" while Spot eats like a horse and seems thinner. She made an exotic "stew" with beans and veg and chocolate! Why she should think that this recipe was a good idea i haven't a clue, Spot loved it but the family went hungry, despite Fivemum serving it up , ever hopeful as burgers the next day.

Yesterday driving back from the school i spotted Mike, he was on a disabled car thing, fag as ever hanging from his mouth. We knew him when he was working for katie the public school trannie, on her wooden boat. His reaction to Him?her showing up and refastening the boat in a ball gown was..."what ever turns you on" and carried on working with a wicked grin. A reaction that i think disappointed the theatrical katie. i first met him when he was selling his sons boat. A beautifully kept but tiny sailing boat. His son had been sailing and tragically was killed in a car accident in Jersey, Mike had to sail his boat back and sell it. It was bought by a group of boat Building students who sailed it with reckless abandon and as i watched from the back of our boat once made a 90 degree turn at the quay to sail to their birth at high speed and sailed right slap bang into a tree. The tree took down the mast at deck level. Over indulgence of Special Brew and Weeds was blamed, but they did rebuild the mast, higher this time so the boom didn't sweep the cockpit, extending the rigging with short chains. We saw then sailing in true pirate style more than once, cans in hand and puffing splifs.

Glad to see mike is still about and still grinning with his cig in mouth. he looked like the sort of guy who didn't bother much with "normal" people just trundled along faintly amused.

Wednesday

2007-10-17T06:31:00.000-07:00

dropped in to see Weezy. She was just out of bed, eating toast, she had just got her assessment from Hammersmith hospital. It said that next time they woudl have to have a chat about a heart and lung transplant. She's very frightened by this possibility, what if it rejected? and how many pills woudl she have to take for ever, its not a decision id like to take at all. I pointed out that she took lots of pills now..... she is inclined to "let things take their course" which seemed to mean the more or less slow death she has now. I told her the parable of the Viziers horse. She laughed....

Phoned Fivemum hopeing for a story worth laughing at, but her kids are ill again with the cold i probably gave her. Hubby is all huffy about the stove, refusing to have anything to do with installing it, claiming that he was going to do all the fireplace next year. meanwhile they genuinely risk hypothermia this winter. Fivemum had some scheme to put a flexi pipe out the window but lost enthusiasm when i told how much the pipe cost.

Dotty came round and gave me back the £100, i did ask several times if she was ok to give it back , but she insisted that she had had some good sales recently. There was some long story about the electricity cable to her van and the owners of the site, which seemed to be her reading more into actions that was there, who knows... her psychic friend has told her that "the bastards" are in hot water over our friends house , news from the "other plane".....

Gothman knocked on the door and some of his mates piled in for a cuppa, before they walked to the door he hurriedly whispered that one was his transsexual friend the other two were girls. they all seemed fine though im sure a bit wary of chatting to some old guy, If i hadn't known one was a tranie i wouldn't have noticed, just she was sort of a lager girl and we chatted about the Turner prize winner who was a TV. She was a little worse for wear after begin very drunk yesterday. They all seemed nice though and went off to the pub, mid afternoon and they hadn't made it to collage yet...

Tuesday

2007-10-09T06:28:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday we went to a Garden, open to locals for free. On the way back we wanted to pick sloes for the xmas gin presents, couldnt find any and eventually went to Mutual friends to pick in their field. She told us the "bastards" had been down and taken the lad out, which he loves, and the story behind why our friends house is apparently unsold despite them begin so keen to get shot of it. Surprise surprise it was due to them selling it then finding out that the grant woudl have to be repaid.... which we fucking told them was the case, but of course we arn't people to listen to, fuckers. I so fucking sad to find that they are still alive, i really really wish they would both die slowly and horribly, id laugh my head off.

Saturday

2007-10-06T13:40:00.000-07:00

Chatted to Hotdog, he was raving about the government wanting to take his house. Well as i pointed out we dont all get given a £500K house, and inheritance tax is i think 40% on sums above £350K so it was a cheep house even if his mum don't last another four years (it has to be 7 years before the giver dies to avoid tax).. then he went off on one saying that his mother would have to sell her house to put his dad in a care home, which i'm sure isn't true at all, he claims the government will only pay $350 a week for care and he will cost £500...His dad is going totally senile, probably a deliberate ploy to avid his horrible wife if you ask me... she cant cope with anything and just works on pure snobbery and doing what she thinks suits appearances. Hot dogs Sis volunteered to keep dad in NZ when they visited, i think as they saw how badly the mum was treating /coping with him. But Mum wouldn't have its as "what would people think"...Besides he's always going on about people who live off his tax, why should his dad live off tax! The mum he said now gets up at five every morning the "deal with the post", she reads every bit of post as if all the spam mail was addressed directly to her, she's tonto and i guess ripe for the advertising conmen to take advantage of. But, fuck they whole family have lived a privileged enough life so they can fuck off.

Friday

2007-10-05T12:30:00.000-07:00

Been to see Fivemum always good for a laugh. I fixed her computer, damp again and full of fluff, had to reseat the mem chips, now i'm a computer god to her. Hubby wondered about one of the kids saying that her bedroom wall was wet. We went outside and admired the water running down the wall...They kept saying it was the (very very rotten) thatch, but i mused that it looked more like a water tank leak, which girded hubby to go up in the loft to find it was indeed the water tank, and an awful lot of the roof frames etc are rotten. The farmer really ripped them off with that house, its riddled with rot and the septic tank requires them to sneek out undercover and pump it out onto another farmers field every tow weeks...They have also badly fallen out with the farmer over the option they had to buy the shed.

Spot had eight puppies last night at about 3 in the morning. I didn't go near as she growled at me protectively, and in the night when her dim companion spaniel started to lick the puppies she tried to rip its throat out!

Saturday

2007-09-29T13:24:00.000-07:00

Spoke to Hotdog while wife and son went and lit a candle for our friend in the cathedral. Beautiful S had kept him up til two the night before bemoaning his braking up with his reportedly lovely nice girl friend. He said he had problems juggling his son by another relationship and her etc, which sounds a feeble excuse. Hotdog said he probably had a testosterone problem as Beautiful S said eh just has to have a shag ever other day or go mad... maybe they just get too sore and have to leave!

Friday

2007-09-27T11:51:00.000-07:00

Apparently the "boat" floated free yesterday and is now well on its way to being a "real boat" in the eyes of the council....

Wednesday

2007-09-26T12:07:00.000-07:00

Round to Fivemum to visit and change the oil. Well i changed the oil in the car with little trauma until... i was round a friends place, usually i just get muddy and don't bother much with sheets etc, this time i flung me coat down, let the oil out and it was just as i nipped the sump back up i noticed the smell..... yes id flung the coat down on top of dog shit...uuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Interesting conversation with the hubby, he was at the Poll Tax riot in London, in Leicester square no less. He remembers being pinned up against a building and wondering what all the falling glass was, looking round, he saw it was well on fire and the window pains were popping out and raining down into the street. He said the square was amazing, the sky was a cloud of bottles thrown from a looted off licence, at the riot cops, just one big continuously moving cloud.

Her dog Spot is pregnant, getting fat.

tuesday

2007-09-25T10:21:00.000-07:00

My friends horse died, which is sad. But it died of natural causes, wandered down to the end of the field, lay down under the trees and expired. And that is the most dignified bit of the story. Begin rural Cornwall her hubby got out his spade, only he couldnt dig near the trees as it was too rocky/rooty, so he dug a bit up the field. It was a small horse which requires a BIG hole. Took all day, that day was one of her daughters birthdays. So with an audience of goolish girls he tied some rope round the horses legs and proceeded to drag it up the field with the old tractor. Swift diversion round the hole and the theory went it would drop in the hole and be "sorted".... Sadly the horse went in head first and much to everyone's horror remained arse up to the wind. They retired for a time to contemplate the new field monument... but eventually with ropes and tractor got it at least below ground level, filled in the hole... i dare not suggest the build up of gasses etc might just lead to disaster!

Oh dear, Dotty was just on the phone, poor lady she was asking to borrow some money. I know that she will have agonised about that for days, but she's so skint she cant eat and more importantly for her her dog cant either. We don't have any money either but we can have an over draught easily. I'm delegated to meet her in the lane to her caravan tomorrow after i pick up our son from school will 100 quid cash. Its not easy for us to do this but her need is great and our discomfort slight.

Monday

2007-09-24T12:01:00.000-07:00

The school run came up with a nice uplifting story ... Up a tiny creek on the way to Truro a couple have bought the creek and the little bit of surrounding land, and built themselves a home. It sort of boat shaped, more sheddy really but nominally a barge. Been there for quite some time too, in the summer shielded by trees. They went away for the summer sailing in the med (being a boat bum can be good) and returned to find some "git" had complained to the council, that they were loving there. Anyway, after interrogating the council on what was the problem was, the council pointed out they have no jurisdiction over "proper boats" and what constituted a "proper boat" was one that floated to the end of the creek and had photographic evidence of doing so......so over the week end the Hippie contingency have been mobilised, they have been digging out a canal in the creek ('cos the "Boat" is to deep a draught to float out) Very much to the surprise of the council and probably the "git" who complained....Plans are going well, massed hippies are digging when the tides out and a BIG! pump is available for its short trip and the rudder (the bench mark for passing the point at which the council deems it to have entered the main channel has been nailed to the front

Wednesday

2007-09-12T11:13:00.000-07:00

Funny how things happen, the wife had a job interview lined up, an application form filled in ready to post, a three week Holiday cover temp job (doing pay roll, she hasn't done it for a long time , but recent pay roll experience is a licence to get a lot of temp jobs, as all the payroll people can easily get jobs) But she was also lined up for a job in local bakers office doing their pay roll to cover maternity leave... It seemed the Bakers was having doubts about her ability (cos its 450 employees!) and called her in for a "little chat" this morning.... i waited outside..... wife comes skipping out half an hour latter... wo hoo.. "informal chat" has turned into, come in to do the payroll and then if we like you and you like us, full time office cover for illness and general trouble shooter at efficiency...not only that but wife told them she had an interview latter and the lady said, whatever they offer you, come back to me and we will see if we can get you more!.... so wife went cancelled her job interview, rang the agency that got her the payroll job at the bakers , the bakers had been on the phone to them, they love the wife, she's really nice etc etc gushing prase! Looks like the wife might have a real JOB!

Now all we have to do is improve their quite awful pasties!

Monday

2007-09-10T13:02:00.000-07:00

Went to town, dropped in on Weezy. She was waiting for a hospital car to take her to have her head x-rayed. Due to her awful headaches. The X-ray is to "check there's nothing metal in her head"...I suppose a precaution as she had a brain tumour removed a few years ago(first op without full anaesthetic!) She didn't look all that pleased about it all, poor girl all her life is doctors and illness.

Yesterday went to field took Tortoise lady, she picked food for pets and lots and lots of apples and even some ripe pears. She seems very envious of us, our lad our field our house... we have everything she wants. She is pleased for us though. Delivered a bag of apples to the lady who gave us the stove.

Thursday

2007-09-06T11:34:00.000-07:00

Back to school for our son, he likes it so far..

I see Pavaroti has died from the same as out friend and DanDan the film star man...i heard he had it a few months ago and knew he was going to die...

Wednesday

2007-09-04T12:40:00.000-07:00

Wife's seen Gella the loopy librarian. Apparently she broken up with the male nurse she lived with for many years over her daughter. Mind you what she says and what happened are very often different thing. She claims that Nurse took her daughters side and has moved into a caravan to rent his cottage to the daughter. Her daughter had a breakdown (unsurprisingly as she is nuts from both father and mother) Daughter went fully tonto went to hospital (probably sectioned) and her child was left to Nurse and gella to look after...Leading to tension and breakup. Daughter went lesbian long time ago due to her inability to deal with men or anyone not as loopy as herself. Now she's installed in the cottage with a coatarie of men hating lesbians.....humm

Sunday

2007-08-26T11:21:00.000-07:00

I'm absurdly pleased to have finally bought a Bubble gun, press the trigger and small bubbles stream out of it in a most pleasing fashion...

Been out to Morval Steam rally, no dancing diggers this years sadly, but a huge Belgium Organ belting out Meatloaf and soft rock tunes.. and a wonder full Harlyton motorbike in the parade (a side valve Harley engine in a Norton frame)..Long drive though.. i'm knakered.

saturday

2007-08-25T13:48:00.001-07:00

Wanker of the week... its been fair day today, a sad lack luster day all round, succession of overtired kids and piss heads past the door... worst was a poor child about seven getting shouted at in his face by his dad... very posh accent, shouting at the poor lad because he didn't ask for an ice cream politely..."I told you this morning i wanted a very polite little boy didn't i!...." really hysterically screamed... that poor lad...why do people do that to their kids all he's going to remember of his nice day is his dad screaming at him...the person he wants most to get approval off....

Sunday

2007-08-19T13:49:00.000-07:00

yesterday went ot see Doc Glue he seems much better though still a bit bombed on drugs and tired..

Thursday

2007-08-16T12:38:00.000-07:00

Discussed crap with Mr handy while wife went to sign on again. Wife and son went to see Doc Glue at home. I went to pick them up latter. For some weird Indian social reason Chemical Ali phoned wife and asked how Doc was...I don't think he's in good odour with Doc Glue for some reason. Doc said the wife if Ali turned up at his house he wasn't going to let him in. Ali seems to be in urgent need of a chat about work. And he said he was going to see him at home... i wonder what's going to happen there!.

Wednesday

2007-08-15T12:10:00.000-07:00

Humm. went to deliver more "toga pins" and the shop don't want my copper bowls so had to take em home in a sad little plastic bag... the shop owner wanted to wrap them, but i said no, what's the point ah....

on the plus side, i went and got Doc Glue from hospital and delivered (via Sainsburys for milk and bread) home...Bastard hospital car park, had to go to the field one pay £1.70 and only stayed for ten mins...Doc looked tired and in a bit of pain. He said that the doc said it was an immune thing, his body attacking his legs after a virus...He also said the doc said it might take two months to get over it, which is pants for the factory but bollox to them...Chemical Ali phone here to find out how he was, oddly he didn't phone Glue. he did say he was going to phone him tomorrow "over work"....hummm...im wondering if the bastard boss is agitating for him to get back to work or....maybe to retire?

Monday

2007-08-13T11:57:00.000-07:00

Went to see Doc Glue in hospital, all the family this time, as he was feeling a little better. People always look smaller when they are ill. he looked ok wife said he was a better colour today. I think he might have been glad someone worried about him. We offered any help we could and managed to wangle out of him that he wanted clean pyjamas, so we went to Matilan and bough some cheap ones, in the dull colour he favours,even after threatening to get Superman ones...It seem the Hospital are worried that he has blood clots in his aching legs that might travel to other parts if his heart is jump started to its right rythum...

sunday

2007-08-12T11:32:00.000-07:00

The wife has been really upset by the ideal job rejection, i always expect nothing to go well, so i'm pissed off but less so. Mr Lecturer phone and told us probably why she didn't get it... too old at 43, the cunts want to see themselves as a young thrusting collage, they invariably take on 20/early 30's people.....stupid bastards, doesn't seem to matter if you can do the job, just age..(this isnt just speculation he has talked to a friend there, bigging up the wife to her, which went well till he ages was mentioned...)

Took wife to see Doctor Glue, me and son wandered while she went,he said don't bring our son as its "horrible" in there. She said he looked ok but his feet looked white and he was bored. Seems they have put it all down to stress, his hearts go into arrhythmia and needs re timing... they may let him home tomorrow and do it latter or keep him in. he was pleased with the hubcap and we took him a book to read.

First thing we too son to Mrs Handy for an hour and went and wrestled the stove into the car, fucking heavy it is too, no one was about but im sure they will notice its gone and assume we took it...Just as i was about to go and get son, Fivemeum rung....its ok we will have it she said... its bloody here! i basically shouted...i don't want it i was thinking id use it in the garden as a BBQ...anyway she said if we wanted it then to keep it.. but i don't want it...so i told her to come get it next week...soem people are so fucking nuts you cant help the bastards.

Saturday

2007-08-11T13:16:00.000-07:00

Wife rang the hospital this morning and got through to Doctor Glue in his sick bed. It seems the doc was worried about his aching legs and they had to decided if they were due to the virus or maybe they needed antibiotics. Poor chap he's so shy and a real nice chap...We went off to a village vintage rally which was pleasant, found a hubcap as a present for Doctor Glue, he said he wanted one as he plans to make a metal guitar. I doubt its suitable but im sure he will be pleased to have been thought of.

Saw Dotty, she was selling stuff there, she mentioned our friends house not being occupied, i said that maybe the Bastards "secret legal advisor" had told them what a bad idea it was to sell it....the wife commented that she hopped they had both died, we all agreed on that... Dotty said they hadn't pursued her as per the threatening letter they sent her, and thanked me profusely for calming her down on the phone when she got it...She seems well, but is very short of money, she's down to her last tin of tuna this morning and had money only for petrol to the rally and back. I offered to take her anywhere she wanted in our car and use of our bath etc...

On the way back spotted a old cast iron stove outside a house. Fivemum is looking for a stove, so wife went and asked if it was going spare. it is indeed, we can pick it up tomorrow (wont fit in car with our son)...Took wife and son to beech and came home, phoned Fivemum, got her hubby, who seemed not to want a stove at all (its was fucking freezing in there last winter and the kids got sent to school ill as it was warmer there, they slept in their coats for fuck sake!)...Has it got a back boiler she asked...yes it has a backboiler... we didn't want that...then don't use it...but then it will "burn out" ... what does that matter, if you don't want to use it?..< fucking hell gift horse in the mouth time...now she's "thinking about it" over night.. i think i want it she can fucking freeze all winter...

Waiting for me on the mat was a letter from the Job wife applied for, she been doing the job for six weeks as a temp. When she phoned for a lift i asked her if i should open it. I did, its a rejection. Probably they already knew who they were going to give it to. Wife was very very disappointed, she had made plans, it was her idea job. I was too, angry i hope they fuck off and die.... sods law, she well capable of it has been doing the job but they give it to some idiot... fuck em, fuck the world..fuck off.

Friday

2007-08-10T06:38:00.000-07:00

At lest im on my own!.... just a few hours, son and wife are with school mum and devil girls down the road...son went to beech with them yesterday, poor son in a wet suit looked like a pipe cleaner boy! School mum suffered a wasp sting to her nipple the other day, ouch! the dangers of bikinis.

I'm worried about our friend "doctor Glue"... he's had "flu" recently and we rang to see how he was this morning and the poor chap had been to the GP but was now waiting for an ambulance to take him for "tests"...

Wednesday

2007-08-08T12:29:00.000-07:00

Today i had to get away from wife and child. She was doing her uber feeble act and seemed to not notice that i was chewing the carpet, trying not to shout at them both to get out of my face! yesterday she said she woudl take our son out for the day and fucked about all day so they didn't, today she did the same till i just picked up my coat and said i was going out.....was out all day, visited Fivemum. She was more fraught than usual, all the kids being there. Shouting and swearing at them a lot. To me she tries to control them too much... she should just let them get on with things and pick up the pieces afterwards. She has this odd thing about technology too, don't like the telly or computer when both woudl give her a breather. I sat in the kitchen and she complained that the farmers dog had fucked Spot, the farmers dog is Spots dad. She complained that if the dog was pregnant she wouldn't be able to sell the pups....WTF she expects the pups to be like i don't know, i joked if they had two heads or six legs they might be worth a lot...Out of the window i noticed Farmers dog was vigerosly humping Spot again outside....she ran out shouting....

Went and bought a big clock for the house, fed up being the only one worried about money also a new pillow ...fuck money, why should i be the only one worried...

When i got back they were both absent but came back quiet soon, seems they had went out to Mc D which she know i disapprove of, Son likes the toys but rarely eats much anyway... She seems not to worry about the brain washing there.... it'll be a surprise when i tell her that promising to go out all day with Son..then doing it when i wasn't there, just don't fucking count!

Tuesday

2007-07-31T12:21:00.000-07:00

Been to Rosemullion head to fish about in rock pools, caught a shrimp and found a starfish! (which is quiet unusual despite the comic book shorthand for rock pools)... found a heard of cows on the beech . they were eating sea weed... spent afternoon at friends place talking to their friend the mega cyclist who's planning to cycle from Egypt to South Africa.

While we were there a couple of their friends turned up, one a weedy shiny booted too old for his look and another podgy "had a breakdown" looking guy, both heavily effected gay men....most strange people from London and not the kind id think they would know at all...

Tuesday

2007-07-24T12:08:00.000-07:00

Four fucking minuets, and i was out of the dentist. Took a whole hour of ritual to get me there and two days of panics....

Last day of infants school for our son, across the hallway to the juniors in September. I sat with him playing in the park after school, the ladies round me rattled about kids, all sorts of crap, i was ignored largely.

Monday

2007-07-23T13:19:00.000-07:00

I keep having small panics about going to the dentist tomorrow. I really want not to go or to have it over with or just to run away. Last time i did it six months ago, i tried to think of it as a memorial to my friend. It was her who got a NHS dentist for me. I visited her and moaned that bits were falling off my teeth as i hadn't been to a dentist in more than 15 years. I knew i had three big holes, aches kept at bay by me plugging them with gum etc... She got on the phone, exaggerated like mad, "he's in agony!" Got me an emergency appointment. I went and fuck did it take some ritual to get me there, carried along on fear. I got a nice scots girl straight out of collage, she used to rest her firm breast on my head, which helped, four deep fillings. She said the last one i could have out or a root carnal. Then asked for a second opinion and just filled it normally. Walking out that last day was wonderful... now i know ive had.. what is it?... maybe six inspections with nothing to do, its bound to happen again...

Sunday

2007-07-22T12:19:00.000-07:00

Last night, i eat too late and suffered a restless night. And a vivid dream. I thought that maybe i was over it all but i'm obviously not. A brush with real evil isn't easy to get over.

I was in the corner of a cold field, maybe snow covered the land but in any case it was grey and cold. Mr Bastard was there, lurking like a slug. He came up to me and i said "I vowed if i ever saw you again that i would hit you..." He walked away frightened. Then i was in a house at the far edge of the field and Mrs Bastard was there, nattering and i was talking to , sweet pleasantries, maybe even apologies. The whole time i had a blunt trowel like thing deep in his back, grinding it between his spinal disks.....

At a guess it means i feel im two faced, a coward.. which is true.

Saturday

2007-07-21T13:25:00.000-07:00

What a bummer for Chemical Ali at least, but then Indian men seem to lead a dogs life. He's 300 miles away from home working down here and occasionally his wife comes down or, not very often his kids. His daughter is an ambulance chasing layer who has married the guy who owns the firm, she's just bought a £60K Merc (and that's second hand!), she seemingly awash with cash. So the family have a big family meeting. On the agenda is "shall we top up dads pension and let him retire and move back to the bosom of his family and the great lights of London"....They decided not to. Which must make him feel very loved! I can understand it, he is a pain in the arse, and his kids must be so relived he's far away. But its seems cold to say the least.

Saturday

2007-07-14T13:09:00.000-07:00

We went off to the dune for a picnic, taking advantage of one of the few sunny days. We went to Lidel's for the food and bumped into HippieChick who was with her formerly hated mother. her mother looked almost sane, clean at least though still fat in a really unhealthy way all out front and blackened dimpled arms, i notice her teeth on one side appear to have broken off due to rot too. HippieChick looks better than i remember her, thinner and tanned. She told us that her and GothMan have broken up , which is sad. She said she was away at Sheffield Uni and he called her back saying he wanted to marry her. Now he said he wanted to have "fun" and left one day when she was out. I doubt that's the right or full story though. She was ever on the look out for a reason to fail at everything she tries. Possibly the lure of sex on tap had worn off with him and he wanted to go with his boozy mates, maybe there's more than meets the eye.

Saturday

2007-07-07T13:56:00.001-07:00

One of the mums sat down with me last week on the bench in the park, looking worried. Her daughter looks cute but is a bit "difficult" at times, and the darling had decided that all the other girls had loose teeth in her class and she wanted one, so spent all night extraction one of her own milk teeth! Came out root an' all, covered in blood she was!......

wednesday

2007-07-04T12:51:00.000-07:00

Karma again.... the wife got to send out a threatening letter to a fomer "job from hell" employer and yesterday the " bastard" phoned up to complain about being threatened with legal action due to not paying a bill for three months....Someone else took the call, got sworn at, went to boss and got them Black Listed, so they wont be dealing with them ever again!...result!

Today the office were discussing the rude buggers, asking round if anyone had actually worked for them, to which the wife admitted, she told them "the partners were horrible and deeply unpleasant, so anyone who stayed there must be just as bad"... "and it was the only place where one of the employees was actively trying to kill the head bastard"!... the poor girl had worked there since she was sixteen with no hope of escape, she told the wife that the head bastards father had keeled over with a instantly lethal stroke, and when he was shouting at her she watched the throbbing vein in his forehead, his dad had just such a vein, and smiled , which always made him go madder with rage. She was a Sunday school teacher too, such is the hate that some people can brew up.

Saturday

2007-06-30T13:30:00.000-07:00

The wife's having a giggle at her temp job, one of her tasks is to send out threatening letters to non payers, not only students but corporate customers who hire the Halls etc. One she sent out was to a former "Job From Hell" Accountant who's offices used to be in three towns in the city centres and now had a box room on an industrial estate and to top that is now getting threatening letters, printed out by the wife.... oh how we laughed!

Friday

2007-06-29T14:36:00.000-07:00

I dispare of friends sometimes i really do. One asked me what sort of computer they ought to buy, so i went through it with them and recommended maybe the cheapest Dell with more memory...i recommended thus..

3000+ mhz processor
1 megs or more memory (much more for Vista)
80 or more megs HD
19" flat screen
Mouse without a rollerball to clean
AND DONT BUY NORTON

what did they get on "advice" from their IT friend ?(who comes round and charges them to fix their decrepit old computer! some friend!) They 'kin went to PC World and bought a more expensive Laptop with less memory and slower processor.. then asked me why it was slow (its got freekin' vista on it and NORTON strangling it) Its not got word on it, or any freebies at all.......when i pointed out you could get a Word compatable WP off the net free and legally, they said oh i think we should buy it its easier! (its a £100 fer crisake!)..And free virus protection and fire wall (oh that too complicated to do).. Oh and they are going for a BT internet thing, like that guy advertises on telly. the idea was to save money on calls but now they are going to pay more for everything in one lump!....

And i know why they didn't take my advice... i'm not a "professional" my opinion is worth less than their mate who's an It "Professional" and of course i do things for them FOR FREE so i cant be worth listening to!...

Friday

2007-06-22T13:13:00.000-07:00

Last Week Our son was playing in the playground after school, happily swinging on the suspended tyre. When a girl arrived and proceeded to swing it very fast, he wanted to get off, she wouldn't let him (i learn after) and he ended up bursting into tears...at which point i ran over and rescued him, just as the girl was calling him a "cry baby"...I'm ever aware that something can stick with you for ever at his age, so i took him back to the seat and had a word, told him that he should keep away from the "rough girl" and that he could see how dangerous she was being and he was very sensible to want it to stop...I had no idea who her parent was, and her parent it turned out was sitting almost next to me! She didn't say anything (she's one of them dippy born agains)... anyway yesterday our son was again in the park and so was the "rough girl".. and quite sensibly he kept well away. She however got on the tyre and spun it so fast all i saw was her exiting the tyre horizontally and landing with a mighty thud spread-eagled on the ground...I started to run to her but her mum (i now discovered who she was!) got there first, poor girl skinned both knees, elbows and her chin... she was checked out in casualty and was at school today fine... but Karma ah...

Wednesday

2007-06-20T12:34:00.000-07:00

The wife started a temp job at our old art collage today and just rang and says its nice to work there... she was under instructions to walk out if it wasn't!

Oh and she's discovered one of the secretary's we knew is still there...a nice lady of a certain age that back when i were a young student, at the leaving do, asked for a kiss......i went in for a peck on the cheek and she went for it and snogged my face off, sticking her tongue down my throat!... unfortunately the now wife was there....but in was in there!

Monday

2007-06-18T11:29:00.000-07:00

Overheard in the Spar shop....

Checkout lady : (to a young girl) "Why arn't you in school?"
Girl: "I been at the police station...."
Checkoutlady: "WHAT! why?"
Girl: "Someone knicked my mobile in Argos the other day....."
Checkoutlady: "And?...."
Girl: " They 'ad me looking at the CCTV tapes.....it turns out my best friend knicked it...."

Saturday

2007-06-16T14:01:00.000-07:00

Went round for our lad to play with mutual friends daughter and friends lad. Outside there was a different car, tatty, pink fur worn out wheel cover, maybe i should have known, Drunken dad was there delivering the lad, with his new wife. She looks rough and chavy he looks tired and oddly fat now. I guess now he eats more and drinks less. He sort of ignored me, maybe even probably he read the statements about how useless he is/was....

Yesterday we bumped into NoMan the gardener. He looks fine, long beard always with his pull along bag on wheels. We talked about our friends house and its oddly empty state.

Its been one of them days when the wife seems caught in amber, or at least treacle. Only dimly aware of the time passing she's kept our lad out of bed far too long and he will be hell tomorrow..maybe it was the Gin And Tonic she had at Mutual Friends. Mutual friends partner The Prof seemed very odd today, sort of tired and grumpy, their daughter too was "difficult" shrieking and acting like she wasn't quite in touch with reality, maybe she's heading for another epileptic fit?

Do you know i come from a different planet from most of you?....a different time....

A time before Growbags. When milk came in slim elegant bottles, delivered early in the morning from rattling electric trucks. Before contact lenses, before normal people had phones (and those with real wires too!) or indeed cars. A time when gun crime was sawn off shotguns in a bank raid in the news or discussed in hushed tones on Police Five. When "terrorists" were all Irish. When trains ignored leaves on the line but often ran late and were Blue. When Spain was far far away, and a Taxi was a black cab between a museum and the station in central London. When Panoram had specials about Heroin. When a Mars bar attracted 25 VAT tax but a twix didnt! When there was for no reason a sugar shortage one week. When Porn was a magazine in W H Smiths. When i could buy two paper back books with my pocket money.

Friday

2007-06-08T12:14:00.000-07:00

The wife met her old manager from work, the one they got rid of soon after her... Its very curios but he had been there for about three months and rather oddly they paid him off (when they could have just sacked him, so they must have been shit scared of being sued?), he walked straight into a job in the employment agency.... he said the reason they gave for "letting him go" was he wasn't aggressive enough with his staff. And as his staff consisted of the wife..... by implication he wasn't aggressive enough to my misses! his comment was that he didn't like they way they were treating her and he wasn't going to add to it...

The whole implication was he was paid off so he wouldn't become a witness for the wife in any court action...None of this makes any busyness sense at all...mystified.

Went out to visit Fivemum, she's well and as usual we bitched about everything. She got a small job looking after a lady with emphysema, she drinks and smokes round her oxygen mask, poor woman. Last week Fivemum had to rush round as she wasn't feeling well and found her sitting drenched in piss, which she had been for probably a couple of days....Five mum called the doctor and thankfully they sorted her out some help getting dressed and fed, more importantly the poor woman needs someone to talk to even if its for a few minuets a day...Fivemum said as she took off her drenched nightdress she could hear most of the village going off to a dance along the road... so much for a close nit community.

The lady who shares looking after the lady has a sick husband. He is a driving instructor and one day driving along the dual carriageway he felt and awful pain in his lower head/neck and pulled onto the hard shoulder. Suddenly he wasn't looking at the road but his vision had somehow reverted to two weeks before and he saw people sitting round his home kitchen table. Diagnosed with a Brain tumour now.... i don't know if they are treating it or just waiting for him to die...

Thursday

2007-06-07T11:49:00.000-07:00

Bumped into Mutual friend in Asda this morning. She had a rodent trauma, she had two Russian hamsters.... now she has one. One died in the night and the other eat its face off! Her daughter noticed it was dead, luckily she didn't see it facial condition just that "Poppy is dead!"

Went to Mr Handys, their idiot downstairs people had a police raid the other day, unfortunately they seem to be both still not in prison.

Wednesday

2007-06-06T13:23:00.000-07:00

One of the Mums told me something interesting today. There were five cop cars at the tiny industrial estate at her end of our road. Rumour... I told you about the Chav girl killed on the bypass, she was in a car apparently racing another car and left the road at high speed. The other car has never been found, it is said that it was taken to the Bike mechanics shed on the estate and being unregistered, disappeared by being taken apart.

HAHAHHAHAHhh new reaches me that the bullying Yorkshire guy from wife's old office has signed up with an employment agency... unfortunately for him the guy given his file to handle is the guy who got fired due to him "reporting" to the boss about every little thing he did..... he said "i'm buggered if i'm going to inflict that idiot on anyone else"....

I just heard why he's looking for work, and it does get better! After loosing/paying to get rid of three people because of their strange regard for the bully. They decided he would be best utilised in the upstairs office, where his immediate boss rumbled him almost immediately. Now he's given to extravagant gestures, and upset one day he walked up to the new boss and said he wanted to resign over some silly thing. So the boss waves him away saying, put it in writing, he went back to his desk and dashed off a hasty "I resign" letter and handed it to him.......the next day he's back and saying he didn't mean it, but i'm sure with a twinkle in his eye, the boss told him... he couldn't as it was now in writing and couldn't be rescinded, nothing he could do sorry i'd love to but.... your off etc......lol.. funny thing is the guys such a bullshitter, he didn't recognise the ocean of bullshit the boss was handing him to eat...

Saturday

2007-06-02T13:23:00.000-07:00

hay.... power to the people!.... had lots of trouble with the pub down the road previously, and in fact most of the street got together and had the landlord removed by the licensing authority. Anyway the "new" landlady announced she was going to be good... but tonight its be very loud, so being available to be irritated and pretty unsympathetic to the pub i just phoned the licensing people to leave a complaining message on their answering machine. (which is usual at this time of night and at the week end). Surprise surprise i got a human!.. standing in the bathroom i let him hear the din, he said it was indeed very loud and he got their licence out and said can i check if the windows are open, as their licence says they have to be closed... so with me walk round phone i went outside, they were indeed wide open, and they had a big banner over the door, The new management welcomes you.... few min's latter he phoned me back, he's phoned the pub and told them to turn it down and shut the windows (its pretty warm here too) but he was pretty pissed off with them as they had put the phone down on him before he could "give them a bollocking".... he said if its still noisy after ten leave a message for them and they will "get on the case" on Monday... he didn't sound all that pleased about their attitude at all......currently the noise is reduced but still dammed loud!

I dont care if they boil in there in fact i hope they do...and if we have to bankrupt another landlord then...we will.

Been out to a garden show, Ms Fearful was there on the Green centre stand flogging very expensive weedy plants. She told me she was having a seat memorial made for our friend. To go up the top of the old church yard, out of recycled wood. Which she would have hated preferring a more Gothic approach. I said "oh she would like that..."... noticing i said it as if she were still alive, Fearful smiled and nodded.

Wednesday

2007-05-30T13:52:00.000-07:00

Well fuck me backwards. Letter from the redundancy insurance people, despite the seemingly surly phone call, they are going to pay out!.....good news at last!

Monday

2007-05-28T13:45:00.000-07:00

Sons sedate version of his birthday party this afternoon. Sedate as the Mother in law is here, and well she's 83-ish and has some odd ideas about kids and how they should behave, not that she's over strict just plain odd, and one can see the kids not understanding what the hell she's going on about. Anyway Son friends son and mutual friends daughter where here. For some reason unknown to logic and common sense, negotiation for our son to go to a local steam/fair thing ended up with a phone call to mutual friends partner The Prof, who said a very understandable flat NO adding that he couldn't cope with three kids!... which i entirely understand and personally i wouldn't have asked him, but all the females in the area seem to have gone collectively "difficult"!... anyway i said after the daughter went, that wife and grandma should go to the park and they agreed, or so i thought. Of course i should know by now it wasn't going to be that easy to get two hours peace... The wife proceeded to drink tea at an incredibly slow pace.. i mean like three quarters of an hour, while i ground my teeth in frustration, just knowing my chance of quiet was slipping away and no amount of hinting would make a difference. It was like hinting to a plank of wood....eventually grandma completely missed the point and said she was staying here ....so fuck that... i said Ok and went out...

Drove way down to the end of the country, drove past Lennies place. Stopped outside for a moment, and realised it must be the anniversary of his death, as MinL was down then, she comes down for our sons birthday each year. Maybe even the same date...

Drove back to find them still dithering and prevaricating tortoise lady came round and they dithered more all of which means in pissed off and our son is set to be horribly tired tomorrow and ive got to fucking live with that and MinL while wifes at work..

Friday

2007-05-25T12:30:00.000-07:00

Went to deliver some things i printed out to Fivemum (how to make Bio diesel for the new G-wagon and a handbook off the net for her washing machine) She wasn't in, so i just left it on the door step... soon as i got home she phoned, she had been at a school thing, she was quite upset though, yesterday she and hubby went to the inquest of the motorcyclelist who hit their van some time ago. Hubby had to testify, and was cross examined by the guys father, who was obsessed with blaming someone for his son death, going on and on about the vans MOT (which it had) and when it ran out, which hubby didn't know... Three witnesses testified that the bike was travelling at high speed and wheelied across the round about before hitting the van after overtaking a car. The driver of the car imedietlly behind the van said the bike flashed past him then exploded in flames as it hit. All three commented they all had kids in their car and were horrified by what might have happened to them.
The Autopsy report was a revelation, he had multiple healed and fixed injuries, face reconstruction and broken bones, all from bike accidents. What a shit biker he was, How did they think his life was going to end? A written statement rather stupidly said they saw him "In the zone" and riding well just up the road, why that was read out i have no idea.His wife ended on a statement that he was a "true biker to the end"...no he was a dangerous fucking twat.
The insurance solicitor kept hubby chatting in the court, fivemum thinks to keep him from having to leave with the guys friends who packed the court. Typically Hubby wanted to go say "sorry" to them, luckily Fivemum dissuaded him, they obviously thought it was his fault, even though he was stationary and the bike struck the (big) van hard enough to spin it round and turn it over.

I went to get Son from school, on returning there was a package on mat addressed to him. It was some sweets and a birthday card.. with love from Mr and Mrs Fussy.. maybe they bought it when she was alive last week...Son said... " one of them is dead".. i said "yes, Mrs fussy is dead...nice of them to think of you isnt it" "yes " he said "it is"...

Thursday

2007-05-24T12:12:00.000-07:00

Saw Mr handy, he seemed almost normal, for him anyway. chatted as of old. His wife has some pill she bought of the net, supposed to calm one down and aid your brain in lots of way, looking at the label its condensed Green tea...

Got an odd phone call from Mortgage insurance company, wanted to speak to wife to tell her of her claim decision, but said in any case they were sending a letter. She was at work and home after they finished. The woman phoning seemed cold and offhand, i presume that means as i predicted they are not going to pay out, cunts.

Monday

2007-05-21T04:52:00.000-07:00

Dropped our son off at school and wife at work and went on to the crematorium. Bit early i parked away from the main building, glad to see someone i recognised, Ms Fussys far next door neighbour. (hes a funny old git type, once i was delegated to water her garden while they went on holiday, with a hose pipe. But Mr.Fussy turned off the water before leaving, so i got about a bucket of water out of it then it ran dry!. Old git was in his garden making sure i didn't steal anything i think, i told him and he said he had the key but couldn't let anyone in.... ) Anyway, there as usual was no indication of what to do, so i sort of hung round a group of people at an entrance (complicated by there being two chapels) Old git joined us with some other older people, one of which said he hadn't seen me for ages, though i have no idea who he is.

Typically theses things are either muddling through or regimented like a military operation. I spotted Ms Fussy's name on the board, first of the day ten o'clock. Wandering in with a lot of others, all in their funeral suits, me in my black sweat shirt and black hair ribbon (last worn at our friend funeral)...light death music, then "A'int that a kick in the head"! as the coffin came in (looked too short for her, glitzy plastic handles, glued on crooked too) with guy in top hat and Mr Fussy. The local vicar Batman arrived. looking more crow-like than usually, his sash and cassock looking worn and his face even more so...All the usual stuff, odd hymn prayers that made Christianity to be a real "slave religion". then a Hymn "Lord of the dance" (surely the lord of the dance is pan or Satan himself?) some words on her life and her love of dancing. She must have looked lovely "Latin dancing" tall an willowy, elegant and lithe. I drifted off thinking how sexy she must have looked.

Then the coffin dissapering behind some electric curtains. Words about art and artists being a religion as they had hope that life was about more that it appeared (sadly i don't believe that any more, maybe i'm a bad artist... probably i am) i got sad when batman talked of Matisse dance painting, that one lady who's hand don't quite link with the others, forever slightly apart fro them dance.The last music was "I love to Boogie"...File out, shake hands with Mr Fussy, i notice that the hurse driver is the granddad of one of out sons friends, i smile at him. Lots of the ladies are in tears, some laughter, even Mr Fussy smiles. I tell him that if i can help in anyway...etc... slowly i circulate further away, then to the car... i didn't go to the "thing" after.

I remember Mr Fussy taking wife and i to hospital, 2 o'clock in the morning, 25mph all the way, with wife leaking her waters onto a towel and me saying DRIVE FASTER....

Saturday

2007-05-19T12:36:00.000-07:00

..i must go to Ms Fussys funeral on Monday.

Mr Handy is in a bad way too, i think, well he thinks more psychological than physical. Last week i went round and he was intermittently pained. Sitting chatting for a bit , he would suddenly curl up his fists in his eyes and eventually he went to bed. He seemed much agitated by a part of a program he had written, that had by some odd interaction started to work before he actually put its working parts in place, if anything it seemed to frighten him.

This week he was out of bed greeted me Ok, but occasionally he seemed to fall asleep or at least "phase out" with eyes closed. Apparently last week his wife was very worried about him as he couldn't get out of bed , at all. and she called Kernowdoc, who are known to be useless (the out of hours doctor service)They said as it was an emergency they would take 4 hours to get to him! FOUR FUCKING HOURS! So they advised phoning the Ambulance, who arrived very quickly. Set up two machines to monitor his heart. One they had trouble making work as someone had put the paper in wrong. Anyway they examined the traces with His wife and pronounced him fine, but they thought highly stressed. And they said that Kernowdoc were useless and always shuffled off their patients on them so they didn't have the responsibility. Also that they had been flying in Polish Doctors (at £4000 a time) just for the week ends as Local Doctors are too idle to work.

Mr handy said to me that he had a "Systems crash" that his brain had just been too active for too long and that it shut down.....

Wednesday

2007-05-16T05:25:00.000-07:00

Last night, sitting watching telly, the phone rang, ive grown almost phobic about the phone, so i let the wife answer it, im glad i did...." oh im so sorry.... where is it?...flowers?".... our old next door neighbour died from Ovarian cancer yesterday. She was a tall elegant lady, overly fussy and pernickerty but sweet with it. her husband will be lost, i hope he takes comfort in his religion. Im not sure what it is but he lent me a book on Sufism once so i suspect its a hippy combination of that....

We went to their wedding reception, where he made a rambling speech about falling down a cliff then finding her to hold onto. He employed me to paint their stairs too once, £30 a day, money we needed then.

Wife is on day tow of a temp job, maybe 8 weeks or 12 weeks it unclear. Its in a travel agents. they have taken on another travel agents that's gone bust and she said the accounts department "Lost interest" in the last few months, so its a mess. The others in the office seem Ok in any case to busy to worry the wife, which is good. She's discovered they might need a new travel agent too, not for her, but to try to seduce the other girl from her former office, get her away from them, contribute to messing them up. She's always wanted to be a travel agent apparently.

Saturday

2007-05-05T13:05:00.000-07:00

i took son to Dairyland for mutual friends daughters birthday. Clamouroius noisy place all day i alternated to being disgusted with the surrounding family's and admiring their patience, no children were clobbered, none were hung upsidedown out of the windows, though many deserved it. The girls working there must have ear of steel and the patience of Job. I couldn't do their organised party thing for ten minuets without running screaming from the echoing cacophony. As is usual with me i did little, just sat chatted to a lady for a bit. wandered a bit, talked to a parrot. The kids loved it, our son attaching himself to our friends son, all day. I cant take pleasure in any of it, but i can appreciate the kids enjoying it... but at what cost to me!

Arriving home to find wife had very much missed us being there all day...i must admit when she and son stay out most of the day when they arrive i have missed them but mostly i do really thing "oh fuck that's my peace up the creek"...

Wednesday

2007-05-02T12:06:00.000-07:00

Boy am i pissed off today, well more than usual. wife's been prevaricating about sending off the mortgage insurance form, and her last ploy was having to go to citizens advice place only open today... They phoned the insurance company but they would give an answer, said they would have to talk to the employer... who will undoubtedly fuck it up just to fuck over someone. So that's doomed, i was doing some mock ups for Hotdogs next sign, and the wife gave me all this crap about the insurance then blithely informed me id spelled bacon wrong, i was so fucking angry i nearly exploded, ripped up the mock ups threw them away and had to go out to the shed and fume, then stand about not talking.....I've just given up nagging her for anything other than cups of tea, she just seems to sail along, which i cant do, i've been screwed too long by the world to trust it to do anything other than worry impotently... i can feel the house going, s;lipping through our fingers and theres nothing i can do at all....i want to scream and shout ...where the fuck are we going to live then fucking hells fuck fuck fuck... but its all futile, everything i do is futile.

Sunday

2007-04-29T11:38:00.000-07:00

Waited in for a job offer yesterday, it didn't come so that's off then, this feels like a re run of the eighties to me.

Went to a mine museum open day, it was free, and on the way we were behind a lot of traction engines making their way up hill away from Trevithick day. Following one closely across the level crossing it occurred to me that this wasn't such a good idea if the crossing gates started to close for a train coming along the main line. Just as we started to cross, the bells started to ring, we hadn't anywhere to go but forwards, very very slowly. I saw the gate start to come down just as we came under it and i thought it would crash onto the top of the car, but i figured that was better than being smashed to bits by a main line train. As it was we just popped over the lip when it crashed down onto the road behind us...fewwwww

At the mind the sheds were full of horrifically dangerous looking machinery and when they started the stamping mill while i stood a few feet away it made me jump and really want to get out.

Ment to drop in on Mutual friend on way back, our son had rather sweetly bought a birthday present for her shrieking daughter. We ended up staying some hours chatting with them and their "field guest" caravan living friend. Who spends his life cycling round the world.

Tuseday

2007-04-24T02:38:00.000-07:00

Took son to school then to old work place, i waited outside expecting to have to pick up pieces, but it was fairly OK, i was tempted to "key up " the bosses Merc though... i didn't.

Ah so what did we say?....(he hasnt a 'kin clue!)
I dont know you NEVER said.......

hopefully he waffled in the bit a bit but it adds up to redundant.... he really didn't have a clue why though, stupid toss pot.

Wife's up the collage now for an interview for some really crap til job in the canteen..hope she don't get it.

Monday

2007-04-23T11:00:00.000-07:00

the wife's been to two job interviews today. fuck its more difficult to get a job in Lakeland than to get in the bleeding army! One hour long interview in a hotel, no less, and if you get the gold phone call at the week end another in the shop! it was strongly intimated that ringing up the shop to ask pertinent questions would be viewed well...Another reason im unemployable, id just crack and say , "give me the money and ill turn up on time and not steel anything." And again the wife specified hours which they might not like 16 to 30 hours max, they did question that because what they really want is people who say they will drain their blood so the managers can bath in it...The other one was some letting company, she reckons it was Ok which could mean it was crap or was good, who knows. If its about property they are probably just reptiles in suits.

Tomorrows wife has to go back to old work and get the git faced mananger who gave her the sack to sign the mortgage insurance in an appropriate way....which means redundant or due to office reorganisation... not "given the sack" which she wasn't. If he wont play ball then we are fucked. In my experience anyone holding power over "Fuckedness" of ones life invariably exorcises the opportunity to fuck it up, its a rule i've not known broken. I don't hold out much hope , though the wife does.

I wonder what he will put?.. seeing as they basically refused to say why she was "let go"

Sunday

2007-04-01T12:23:00.000-07:00

The wife bumped into out old neighbour in Asda today. Slow in speech, he seems like the sort who did a lot of dope in the sixties, ex missile scientist he retreated to being a school maths teacher in the soulless ex-industrial/mine town across the way. he had a wife i think, divorced it think , met Ms Fussy, who taught art. Tall willowy sort of stylish in a brown sort of way. Overly fussy and fastidious they took to ball room dancing, travelled all over dancing. Till they both decided they had ME, conveniently they retired on a pension. We went to their wedding reception, felt odd, marooned amongst the gliteratie. He looked worn down today, like a man punched in the stomach. Ms Fussy has Ovarian cancer and is going to die...

I just feel like im alive just to find out what i die of. Its all so pointless and futile isn't it? There's no meaning there is nothing to hang on to. Some might say , your son, but what is he, i love him i want him to be happy, but he's going to feel exactly like i do some day and that's unbearable to think of. At 45 i could have died of many things already, soon, i sort of expect to die.

Yesterday on the way to visit Weezy we met Gaylord. Went to his flat to chat and drink terrible coffee. He's still working as a prostitute. Seems to make some money, he's had his eyes lasered, is getting a tooth replaced etc. Been to Tel Aviv said the surounding Arab nations deserve only derision if they cant overrun the town..."Its like Brighton for gods sake!" he went with some gay friend. he's been painting again flowers this time. Enjoying it.

Thursday

2007-03-29T13:41:00.000-07:00

I've ended up with a gas bottle for my new gas torch that i can just about carry, but only just! this is due to the arcane way gas bottles are sold. Basically you have to put a deposit on the bottle of £25 then pay for the gas. Well you do if its a small bottle , as they get stolen quite often, (knowing this i went and asked Mr Handy if he had an old bottle, i had to struggle up the loft but yes they did have one, but a butane one.) the larger bottles you just pay for the gas... so i could have had half the gas for £25 and £17 for the gas, or £25 for double the propane and no deposit...all quite odd, and quiet odd as the gas bottle place is also an undertaker.

Monday

2007-03-26T12:20:00.000-07:00

Humm the wife got offered three weeks temp work, Initially without thinking she agreed, but when we phoned the dole office (claim still begin processed) They informed us that taking it would involve reapplying or dole... seeing as its taken a month so far to "process" and it would totally screw the Mortgage insurance, she couldn't do it. Instead she's doing two days next week to cover the other lady who wanted to do the job but couldn't for those days.... funny world of work and dole ah.

Sunday

2007-03-25T13:46:00.000-07:00

Son."You and daddy snog don't you..."
Mum. "yes.. why?"
Son."what is it?"
Mum. "Its something grown-ups do.. I expect you will do it when your older. Its kissing."
Sun. "When will i want to?"
Mum. "When you get to be a teenager...when you get hair under your arms and start to grow a beard...
Son. "But i might not get hairy!... I might be gay!"
Mum. "Errrrrr.... gay people have hair too.."
Son, "What's gay?"
Mum "Its when a man loves other gay men, like heterosexual men love girls.."
Son. "So gay men get hair too!...I might be Hetrosesssula then"

Very odd conversations you end up having with a six year old.

Been out with Mutual friend her daughter and our son and wife. Walked along cycle path. We mention out friend all the time now without to much pain.

My arm hurts from making copper bowls, another futile effort to make money no doubt, poor deluded idiot i am.

Monday

2007-03-19T13:52:00.000-07:00

Son back to school after week off with chicken Pox... Filled in a "job application" form, god its bloody depressing, filling in a form with absolutely no hope of getting a job. Just reminds me of the futility of life.

Saturday

2007-03-17T13:49:00.000-07:00

Got a call from Mr lecture, he's in town down from UpNorth. made arrangements to meet on the train to town, rather typically he had missed it so we were on the station wondering what to do now. He drew up in his car, he had missed the train by moments he said.... anyway we went to another town for lunch. He looked thinner and sort of a little iller, though i said he was looking good. next week he's to go back to the hospital to see if he's "Stable" still or dieing actively. I can see he's frightened, but what can anyone do? Had a nice time wandering and chatting. He's still very bitter about the collages actions, which is a bit boring when you've heard it for the hundredth time. We moaned about the wife's treatment too, so i guess its equal. But then we are talking about starving and he's talking about... well lots more money to add to what he was in pension etc... i guess you really don't look down in life, you move on and assume everyone has what you have.

Friday

2007-03-16T14:28:00.001-07:00

You know they say there's a still centre to an explosion? Well i can attest there is one. Its all sort of white and peaceful in there and almost silent.. I was soldering in the shed, lit the gas torch from a little gas cigarette lighter and dropped the lighter behind the vice then played the flame on the bits of brass rod in the vice to get them red hot. I adjusted the flame and it went a bit long, i noticed the lighter behind the vice (thought to myself, that a bit close to the flame) and that's when it all went white. i heard a gentle Fttt and a wizzzzzzzzzzz like a spiralling bullet was passing my ear and a faint clipping noise as it hit the ceiling..then a crackling. i realised my hair was on fire, jumped out of the shed lit torch still in hand as my hair crackled, i jumped back in the shed put the torch out, but my hair was still on fire, jumped out and beat it with my hands till it went out....went up stairs to bathroom wondering if i was in shock and actually had bits of lighter sticking out of my head.... no just frizzed hair, awful smell and very tightly trimmed eyebrows!... very very lucky.

Friday

2007-03-09T16:07:00.000-08:00

Wife found a job fr me to apply for, cheese turner! I very much doubt i will get it, but might be fun to try.

Our money is running out, Its imperative we get the Mortgage insurance up and running, but i have my doubts it will pay out. A problem as the mortgage adds up to three weeks worth of dole money every month. The insurance forms has to be partly filled in by the old employer, if the cunt ticks redundant then it no problem, if "other" its a fucking world of pain..... The wife is dreading going to see the cunt....

Wednesday

2007-03-07T13:15:00.000-08:00

Yesterday too wife to town for "ideal" job interview, they swore they would phone yes or no before half five, they didn't even bother to do that, bad mannered bastards. Wife was so worried about interview she went into "feeble mode" it was so hard to get her there, chivvying her along etc. Im sure she came across as dimwitted and vague in the interview... We went and lit a candle in the Cathedral not for us but for our old friend. Atheists lighting a candle for an Atheist.

Today Wife went the weary way to the dole office to sign on, gods its so depressing. I didn't want to go but she wanted me to so i accompanied her. I even had to prove who i was and they took my driving licence, which i pointed out ha the wrong address and pre marriage different name. Burocracy was appeased. Seems not as bad as it used to be, so far anyway. I'm so suspicious of them, i don't trust them at all. Probably the nice front is a trick to get you to say things that disqualify you from getting anything.

Monday

2007-03-05T11:36:00.001-08:00

I couldn't stand the tension of Dole office things, i went to see Fivemum, nominally on a search for some stone beads. haven't seen her for ages, spent time chatting to her hubby, who's fed up with carpentry, he wants to do something else, but he's is a superb carpenter. Good to head when putting in a staircase or porch, windows or a conservatory he ignores building regs lol

The killer pony has gone to a bloke who handles horses better and with more confidence. But when i arrived only Spot the dog greeted me, i didn't think anything of it till Fivemum mentioned that the other dog had "Gone" and so had the pretty black cob. A few weeks ago the darm annoying dog had been out in the field with the younger girl doing something with the old white pony. the dog was being annoying as usual and irritating the Cob by trying to chase it. Suddenly the Cob just charged the dog across the field did a little jink and stomped it, turning sharp, it did it again! stopped and Hoofed the dogs body across the field.... walked over to the dogs limp body and sniffed it. I presume the check it was life was indeed ebbing away. i guess an animal changes in scent as it dies. To a horse a dog is just a wolf wearing new clothes. Hubby wrapped it in his coat and carried it to the old caravan, as it was too wet to dig a gave. The next morning the girl had to go to see the body she said she wanted to "just check" he was dead.... he was totally dead.

So the Cob went to a guy who "drives" horses, horse and cart stuff... Fivemum said she led him into the horse box and he looked back so sad, just like a human who's rejected.

When i got home the wife was elated, she has a job interview tomorrow, the person is leaving to care for her ill mum and they need someone on Monday. Plus the woman is very sad to leave as its such a good place to work!...fingers crossed, its three day week too. the government can make up the rest , fuck em.

Monday

2007-03-05T11:36:00.000-08:00

Sunday

2007-03-04T11:28:00.000-08:00

I'm fairly frantic today, its three months since wife was got rid of by her work. Tomorrow she says she's going to sign on with the dole office. Fuck its all beginning again , all that fucking dole stuff all the stupid forms and crap. They WILL decide that the wife left of her own accord, they Will make it hard work, the wife seems as ever blithely sailing on with it all, while i fall apart with worry. So if they decide she intentionally unemployed, no dole money, and the mortgage insurance will not pay probably. the wife has convinced herself that the Mortgage insurance will be fine, will lit fuck. Insurance companies are in the biz of not paying out money and they will find a way not to pay i am positive.

Shopping in Sainsburys, standing out front looking at the torrential rain, a voice says hi. i didn't recognise him with his "fun solicitor" tie but its the Will solicitor. He's a nice chap. Asked about the lad, the wife took it to mean our lad, but i didn't. We told him the lad seemed a little hit about his mums death now, more than before, but that his dad was sober for now and seemed OK, and that mutual friend was looking over him. He asked about "them" we told him that thankfully they didn't seem all that interested with the lad now they had their own way, which puzzled him. I told him the whole thing was about power and not the lad or our friends legacy, pure power play and evil. He asked about the house, i said it was sold, and that nothing in our friends will had come to pass, he seemed saddened by this, truly crest fallen, shaking his head in disbelief. We asked about his new job and his impending grandfatherdom. His job was good and very busy his stepdaughter however had lost her baby...He was looking for an assistant he said. The wife said she was between jobs and launched into one of her long involved explanations, long winded and detailed, i cut her short and said "well anyway you ended up being made redundant..." just to stop her rambling, again. Previously he had asked what she did but now seemed to loose interest totally and had to go meet his wife...

fuck im worried.

Saturday

2007-03-03T12:10:00.000-08:00

Remember that we had a bit of trouble with the local pub being noisy and having lock in till dawn. They put the landlord on "watch" for three months and while he continued the lock ins he was quiet. yesterday i got a phone call from the licensing lady who dealt with it. The landlord's licence is being "reviewed" which means he's for the high jump, the brewery wont let him stay and risk loosing it... apparently he's been, throwing dead rats over the next doors lady's wall (as he knew she complained about him) , coppers have been called several times by the house opposite him , once at half four in morning when he was found to have a pub full of paying customers, he had the cops on him for racially abusing a bus driver outside the pub too. the licences lady asked me to write in support of the review, i will do that gladly and maybe suggest that the premasis isn't used as a pub at all... Humiliatingly how they do this is to post a big letter on his front door and leave it there for a month!.... Dickensian but funny as hell. Im so tired of these arse holes.

Wednesday

2007-02-21T12:07:00.000-08:00

Just been talking to Weezy. She at home battered and bruised on her oxygen. this morning she had the tube camera down the throat thing at hospital with no sedative, due to her really bad heart condition. Poor girl has ulcers they rekon, i hope its just that, few years ago she had a brain tumour removed under local anaesthetic, but a further op on her brain was done with her completely knocked out as the first was so stressful they thought she might die. Poor girls go everything wrong with her, hole in heart is the worst is guess. She was once hotdogs girl friend, and he's quite off hand about it nowdays. I know she can be difficult sometimes but wouldn't anyone be under these circumstances, but then i wouldn't know how i would cope with a girl friend who might die from over excitement during sex!

Dropped in on Mr and Mrs handy this morning. Again he made me the offer to "make me a millionaire"...he wants me to learn java codeing. i just dismissively laughed and said No. he said i might regret it. I might but i think its crap his grand project. He is deluding himself and understands little about the real working of the net. His curent mark works in IE6 sometimes on 7 and not at all in firefox. This sort of hints that he is messing with deeper things than ought to be messed with. I'm sure he knows a lot but in reality he draws big conclusions by balancing the chips on his shoulders.

Friday

2007-02-16T12:06:00.000-08:00

I keep getting waves of total desperation, abject panic and worry. Odd seeing as i've been making things again, some brooches etc, but all the time i just think it futile to just make things for no reason at all.
Yesterday went to collect the car as its been fixed, fuck £660 fucking quid. Walked three miles to get it, way back visited Mutual friend. She was amazed to see me and said she had just resolved to phone me and ask me to visit. I helped her set up her new MP3 Player etc.. chatted, She's had the lad round poor kids not doing so well now. He his normal lively and quite sunny self till something goes wrong, then its emotional explosion time. He dropped the portable DVD player went off on a complete rant, it starts with "I'm useless why cant i do that im totally useless and rubbish at everything" and progresses to acusing the nearest adult of "telling me off horribly and shouting at me" When no one is.... Its areal self loathing then a defence thing to blame others. We couldn't work out what it was about though.

Monday

2007-02-12T10:11:00.000-08:00

In this little town its sort of a tradition for some people to announce birthdays etc with signs on lamp posts or banners on the round about. For days we have noticed one appearing with a pic of a pretty slim girl for her sixteenth birthday.... today we noticed one that said "we miss you"... They are in fact for the girl who was killed months back on the bypass. :( ... She was in her Boyfriends car and they left the road at 100mph+ and she was killed, i've not heard anything about him, last i heard he was in a coma. We all do stupid things, mostly we live sometimes we die. Im genuinely sympathetic but. This case seems to have really hit the "chav" community, like a terrible act of god took her away. it wasn't that it was stupidity of her boy friend racing another car, a car that fucked off when they crashed never to be seen again...And at her funeral there was a lot of trouble in the town, trouble because the mourners parents bought their mourning kids booze and they went on the rampage. These are people who only reaction to things is to get pissed and act like arseholes. This demeans her death. When i drive past the cross and flowers on the bypass, i think not of the poor girl but of the idiots she had as friends.

Sunday

2007-02-11T12:23:00.000-08:00

Wife's been dancing with the Tortoise Lady, so i have the full dirt of her now lol. She is really nice though not confident, the product of being bought up surrounded by the thick twats you get commonly and having more about her than most people. Poor girl has this guy who phones occasionally and she goes round to him to have sex. She seems quite keen on sex. She said she also has a good vibrator. She needs a guy who treats her better poor lady. Bit of a "round girl" she's very jolly and devoted to her tortoises and pets.

Wednesday

2007-02-07T12:28:00.000-08:00

Yesterday gave wife a lift to town to sign on with yet another job agency. Pulling into a parking spot i decided it wasn't big enough and tried to reverse out no reverse gear, gear box is fucked, just like that.....I've been tense for days and i sort of lost the plot, it was just too fucking much to cope with.... the car minuets before a magic carpet to places became on big fucking liability. Wife took over and phones AA from the agency.... they arrived ascertained it was fucked beyond their ability, ordered up a pick up truck. The AA were so nice, i told the guy that the difficulty was that one of us had to be home for three to pick up our lad... so the nice guy volunteered to give wife a 12 mile lift home. (they returned ten mins latter as wife had forgotten her paperwork then went off again lol) I waited for the truck, the fucking car wouldn't roll backwards to gain room to tow it up the ramp, had to get the first guy back and he jacked it and we pushed it diagonal so we didn't block the whole street. Even the tow truck guy who was notably more gruff only swore at me one, when i shut his hand in the car door!....I told him to take it to the garage in the Mid-nowhere and i had to go on bus. This was partly as i was pig sick of it and wanted to go home and partly as Mid-nowhere is hell to get home from. Then i worried that the garage had a big fire next door in a tyre dump a few weeks ago and might not be open so when home i jumped every time the phone rang in case it was the AA saying they couldn't drop it off....

This morning wife made me phone the garage. Apparently the car is in the middle of his yard being unable to move back or forwards now! The sulky mechanic said he could even look at it till next monday. Fucking hell. Last time this happened it cost near on £700.... wife disapeard upstairs and secretly phoned her mum, her mums lending us some money to get it fixed. Wife knew i was on the edge of going mental, im really feeling the strain now, uncertainty and worry.

Monday

2007-02-05T12:06:00.000-08:00

Out to town with wife to sign on with a few job agencies. Some hope of work maybe, she seems increasingly panicked though, and when she panics it like juggling soot.

Chemical Ali phoned all exited. Another key office guy has resigned, he half the export department, the other half being the only female there. And the nice manager has been put over the Bullying one, which will make him hopefuly explode with rage.... hope the fuckers go bust.

Sunday

2007-02-04T11:55:00.000-08:00

Last night we went out to Mrs Mini's 40th birthday party. Odd ive always thought she was much older, she certainly looks it. She's got a new baby which all the ladies cuddled and cooed over, also a downs lad, almost two and just walking. Tiny smiley very elfin face. Place was stacked with young mums and baby's or mums out having left their children with babysitters. We took ours as he's a good excuse to leave early.
They live a "normal" life Mr Mini makes false teeth and she fidles about, formerly once she worked for Disney, last i heard she was doing some backgrounds for crap cartoons. Odd being in a place full of "normal" people politely rubbing shoulders with us. Saw Godbotherer there and Weezy. Weezy looked dehydrated and tired. She had some sort of "test" at the hospital. I think with a camera up the bum thing, poor girl, no end to her health problems.

Met Mrs Dodo too,she so neurotic she seems to make her hubby's life a misery. he survives i think from working in the north sea six weeks on and six off, fixing the electrics on mimi subs. he told me he had recently got back into windsurfing. A good way of escape i think.
Hotdog was there with wife and stepdaughter, she recently taken up sex and it seems to agree with her. After being shagged by her, now ex, brutish boy friend she's gone all thin and dark eyed. I was called into fix her computer once. Terrible mess it was all clogged up with crappy spam and adware. I did the electronic equivalent of going through he knickers draw ( i was actually looking for stuff to axe off to make space) and did a search for pictures, only to be greeted with a big pic of Oafish boyfriends bare bum. Somehow its indicative that that was the rudest she could go i think. Anyway she been give the brush off by him after some drunken screwing she did.

Wife dropped in on Godbother today after trying to phone her. She had unplugged the phone saying , she had to answer the phone at work and didn't want to at home. When wife suggested she go see a shrink, she said she never would. Nutter, and getting nuttier by the day.

I once worked for a guy called Bodger. He bought himself a huge Volvo estate, silver and the odd rust hole. He instructed me to fill the holes and paint it with "This silver stuff...".. and handed me a big brush and a tin of silver Hammerite. It was a very hot summer day, Hammerite strings and runs like hell in the heat! Bearing in mind i was doing this in the street, i must have had a dozen people come past and stand aghast at what i was up to. Its looked like a cake that had been iced before it was cool in the end.

Monday

2007-01-29T11:22:00.000-08:00

Heres a good one.. MS Red worked for a charity shop part time manager (paid), the shop rather than make her full time, employed another manager. Friend arrives one day, the shop is covered in post it notes, some saying DONT TOUCH THIS others, DONT MOVE THIS...she cant open the shop in this state, so she goes to the head office and resigns on the spot , when asked why she said "cos this new woman is clearly mad..." but she's told the new woman is very qualified and efficient and will make the charity lots of money...goodbye..... six months latter. Woman is in court for defrauding thousands and the charity is basically destroyed.

Management don't you love em!

The wife bumped into someone from her former work, it seems they have given the sack to the nice boss now as "not aggressive enough for my team"... which is complete bullshit worship of the first order. Do customer services have to be "aggressive".. So how they are going to manage without the two people who actually did the work i cant imagine...I so fuckin' hope they go under they don't deserve to succeed.

Friday

2007-01-26T12:09:00.000-08:00

Humm Fiveman just bought a wrong'un. a Pony for the smaller girls to ride. Its so far kicked the stable to bits, escaping to run down the road and kicked my friend across the field... she's had to pay for it to go to livery stable to get it out of the way and when she approached the former "Sweet girl" owner and told her it wasn't suitable she got shouted at and lied to, when she said it may have to be destroyed she got shrugs from the formerly loving owner... I'm not surprised the horse people round here seem to be a heartless lot... people who try to control people take to horses so they can dominate them.......