Here today...

We have been trying to forget the situaton. been out to Sunday lunch in a pub, very nice it was too, then to a beach and paddeling. When we came home it came back to haunt us tho, i had to tell someone else who didnt know, over the phone. And have long conversation with dotty old lady, very sadly shes suffering bad, her husband died of similar a few years ago, and now poor dear is reliveing it all over and over again.

Im finding myself looking new at things. The flowers are extra red in the pub garden etc. the girl serveing seems extra nice (thight skirt, thong.... sorry somtimes i really am a dirty old man). the beech was, well very hot, sunny and i feel its burnt my face now. Lots of ladies in swimsuits, hell where should a guy look at these times. cant touch so whats the point?... i think this is odd. When younger i very much wanted everything i saw. I had a strong desire for say a car/bike i liked and literaly lusted after it, wanted posetion. Povery and reality have knocked that out of me. Now i can look and not desire, well everything exept ladies. Now dont get me wrong, im not some sort of dribbeling oggleing monster, im realtively normal i think. i just know i desire females. I have alot of female friends, in the majority even (well i am a househusband). And i desire them all, at the same time if posible!... but i know its not going to happen, apart from anything else im incapable of noticeing anyone reciprocateing the lust. I just cant catch the signs, probably too bissy mentaly undressing them...shurgs and wanders off into the sunset.


Our friend has been back to hospital. She was being sick so much she had to get soemthing to stop that. Back out this evening hopefully. We were told onthe phone but our mutual friend wasnt, we are wondering if the sister is trying to edge out what shes sees as a rival for the son. I hope no one can be that evil.