friday

This morning visited Fivemum. She frazzled with the kids home for the holidays. Watching them round the honey comb hubby had just taken from the hive was like seeing piranha fish round a bleeding cow. The older boy hits or tries to upset the four year old when even her backs turned, and the girls are constantly whingeing. She's dreading the school walk starting again tho. She's got rid of the sheep dog with wanderlust. jago, he kept fetching up at a place owned by one of the guys who did spitting image, he makes that excarable brown pottery nowadays, presumable due to senility. She used to phone and expect Fivemum to walk over about two miles to get the bloody dog. Anyway she gave jago to someone with lots of dogs, i said she should phone the woman and say, well you were moaning about it so we had him shot...

This afternoon our son has been a pain, constantly demanding attention. While i came thudding down to earth with an almighty gloom. I feel its all too much and im not up to any of this life. i tried to make something and from the beginning it was obvious that it wasn't going to work but i carried on until it really messed up and got upset. I feel despondent and useless.

Fivemum told me of Whiterasta's funeral. He lived on a boat when we did but we changed and he never did. he just fell into a cycle of causal theft, idleness and dope and drink. Couple of years ago i saw him in a ghastly charity shop suit (mauve and grey check) outside the "alternative" cloths shop in town. There was a couch out the and he was with his thief mate getting more and more drunk. the shop owner, a nice sensitive and tolerant soul said he was in a suit because he was soposed to be in court but hadn't made it there, deciding instead to get drunk on cheep cider and shout at people. The shop guy looked pityingly on him and said the drink has its grip on him. Any road a few month latter on the news it was announced that some one had fallen off a boat and drowned. the full story was, that his "mates" co thieves and scummies who more or less just used each other. Had a "party" on one boat. Whiterasta got somehow a large joint and being who he was he stumbled drunk on deck to smoke it without having to share. He fell overboard. His "mates" heard him heard him go in and shout for help, went up on deck.... and useless as they are, coudln't find the oars for the dingy, so went back to partying. The next evening (18 hours latter) they phoned the coastguard, and they found his body. Rumors that hes been pushed circulated for some time, he had hardly made himself popular in the last few years, i would'nt be surprised if someone helped him over board, but then he probably fell off boats a lot all by himself. Anyway his funeral was a lively mix of fights braking out at the grave side and pissed people throwing up and shouting. It was used by his scum mates as an excuse for drink and drug binges. one guy Yellowperil i knew when we lived on a boat, formerly an aggressive twat, now reduced by drink to a tortoise inside his old suit, tried to moan to Fivemum that his ex wife woudln't let him see his kids. that would be the wife and kids who often apeard to have been beaten by him. from the yellow sailing boat home that he sank on a pissed sail in the harbour.... pathetic.