saturday

wife has been at the house, serching for acounts details. She was near tears for much of the time. we now have a large bag and a small bag of bank statements etc to sort out. I am thankfull that the goldfish seem Ok tho they were lurking at the bottom of the tank. This morning in our garden i found the night scented stocks i planted for our friend has two flowers on it, that was a sort of minor bad moment. I hope to plant them on her grave when its all over.
I took our son away while the wife sorted paperwork, went to matilan to get a black top for the funeral. the funeral is set for Tuesday in the Church bellow the house. it was a clock face with a broad blue edge, i once did a painting of it from just above the house. Ended up acidently selling it to a french lady, tho i have to heavily varnish it as the paint was merrily shaleing off the bad surface i put it on. Presumably oficiateing will be the vicar who refused to take custody of the bones/skulls she uncoverd during renovations. the church simply did not care, so much for respect for the dead in perpituity. she organised a small ceromony and reburied then in the corner of the graveyard. She cared more than the church. We put a notice in the side door (away from the street, no one woudl see it unless they came up the steps at side)

This morning i got very dipressed, what is the point? what ever you do you just end dieing, either in agony or morphine stupor... what is the fucking point? I feel im no match for the family, that i will loose the house for the lad that i will easily be over rulled... i just feel like im no use at all now.

If you are going to die think caefully about this big step, think especiely about your life insurance.... and criticul illnes insurance.... dont get crituly ill then die.... cos if you die on the day they were going to pay out...... they wont pay out untill the wills sorted (which will take months)...so its all to be stacked against us.

Our mutual friend has a friend whos a letting agent refering to the house and its letting posibilities, she mentioned it woull have to have its name changed, she said that people wouldnt rent a house if it was number 13 let lone with a name like the old mortuary... we looked at one bank statement the street number is 13.