Saturday

Wife and our son and me went off for the day to abig steam fair (Boconoc) wanderd round. That steam and coal smell always lifts my spirts, for no good reason other than theres enthusiasts around. Enthusiasts en-mass arnt at all frightening like "normal" crowds. They have an interest other than drinking/fighting being idiots. They have a life. they are brave enough to try things. they create something out of nothing much. Oh and i bought a lathe, true to form its was cheep (£80) and not empleat but ive fooled myself into thinking i can fix that (probably just dreaming and self delusion) it needs a motor (but ive convinced myself that an old washing mechine motor is suitable, probably right up till a cursory glance tells me diferent, hell im enjoying the glow of dreaming and posetion without reality right now) .. its here on the liveing room floor now looking old (its probably more than 50 years old maybe older)... our sons been playing with it imgaining that the wheels etc are train controls.
Our friends son was going to acompany us to the fair but our mutual friend and he wanted to go to his school fair. Dotty old lady was there selling her nicknacks, friends jewlery and for indeciferable reasons some land rover parts. We chatted she happened to say our friend looked very well apart from the yellow eyeballs. After some listening to her i surmise that she thought the loss in weight had made our friend look better/prittyer. i think just the oposite. Shes always been bigger and busteling now she looks pained and old. Another friend who suffered cancer but recoverd (coincidently when her son was 7 too, and when told, her mother might die, responded with "does that mean i can have your sterio"... while my friends sons response yesterday was "will you become a ghost, cos i dont like ghosts") said she has only ever felt good about her body when she was emaciated from cemo therapy and throwing up everything she eat... maybe thin envy is a sickness in it self.