Saturday

Two weeks ago the nine year old son of Friend or mutual friend died, he as playing on his bunk beds and somehow strangled himself. The dad is Mr$ a local entrapener that Prof sometimes works for. He is part of their circle that includes Mrs wide and her hubby who works at a Keyboard company. Mrs wide told me in the park as my son and her two girls played, sort of drama people like i suppose. I must admit i avoided asking exact questions and just said, it was terrible. I also avoided contacting Mutual friend. To my shame, i just didn't want the tragedy on me. I still feel the weight though. Today Mutual friend phoned and asked us out on a walk with her friends and children,oddly i went to, often id take the opportunity to be alone at home, but not this time. Long walk to Powder mills and round.
Returning Prof got me alone and asked for tobacco but i didn't have any, then he said he was going to have a "balloon of skunk" , which confused me, Skunk i under stood but "balloon"?... he explained Mr $ gave him a load of Skunk and a £350 vaporising machine, saying if he didn't take it he would throw it in the river... it raises questions about his son, maybe Mr$ was stoned and trying to help his dieing son? or more probably his death leads him to reassess the way he lived. Prof talked of Mr$ in a matter of fact way, as if nothing had happened. He called me into his shed, and showed me the machine, that heats "herbs" up to 117c and blows out the smoke/vapor into a clear plastic bag. It had a closeable valve on the end that when the bag was removed you could close then open to inhale the smoke. It filled and he took a big wif, i declined, drugs scare me. I made my excuses and left for a cup of tea that waited me in the house. Soon he came back in and was animated and stoned...Its an ill wind ah...

Years ago Mr$ when chatting about the future with Mr Wide and friends, they all were stoned and when the subject of what they were all going to do came up he said he was going to be a millionaire, which id say he is now. the others laughed as he seemed the least likely to succeed. He has a ruthless streak, and isn't that cleaver i guess that helps.

Mrs Handy

Been to see her this morning, she had the funeral bill, it came to £1100. the cardboard coffin was £250, the van driver got £20 and it cost £60 to rent it.... she looked old at times, and sometimes quiet and rubbing her red eyes. Her sons girl friend is staying while her son is off on a course (but she was at work). She mentions Mr H often, its not then she gets upset, its the quiet times, she obviously had been crying on her own before i arrived. She showed me the new kitchen the council had just put in, the council surveyor came to look it over, and Mrs H filled out a satisfaction form, counting back on a calender.... to find the days the cupboards had been put in..counting it round her husband dieing and the funeral.

Friday

Yesterday i went to visit Mrs handy, we sat in the tiny kitchen, newly fitted by the council. She as by turns jolly then very very down as reality hit us both. her honorary granddaughter and her babe are staying keeping her occupied.

I'm still pretty down about it all, nothing much seems important to do now.

Monday

Mrs Handy phoned this morning to say she was back. I said id visit on Thursday. She sounded so tired, so old.

She told me she had lots to do as the flat was covered in dust from the new kitchen the council had put in. She has the honorary grand daughter and her baby staying, she needs it poor lady.

thusday

This morning i had to talk to a fellow parent to arrange getting our son hauled to school and the cheeky woman accused me of having Man Flu!

I have had flu once, i had Genuine Asian Flu during a killer epidemic so i know how bad it can be. And believe me if id been in a position at the time to protest i'd have been in hospital. Anyway i thin i ve had a very odd sort of flu but im recovering.

Wednesday Al my limbs ached especially my hips, my jaw had alternating shooting pains both sides with swollen neck. I spent most of the day trying to fix the car in the street and felt terrible.

Wednesday/Thursday night was spent with every movement bringing on uncontrollable shakes and shivers and then extreme sweats when i couldnt bear any touching of my skin. My mouth felt and tasted like putty and i got dehydrated to an extent that i was weeing caustic syrup (eeek)

Thursday had a over the phone consultancy with the doctor who as predicted pronounced it a Flu type virus that going round, take paracetamol and drink much more. A day of semi delirium and drinking fruit juice and water, sweats like you wouldn't believe. Alternately burning up then shuddering.

Thursday/ Friday night. Under a duvet on settee watching all night telly with shivering seating and jolting awake as i fell asleep/passed out (you know that horrible sort of choking thing)....

Thursday Feeling ok ish to day ok to eat something more solid than grape juice still seating though. And im sore somewhere a man down like to be sore from dehydrated wee!

All this is described by the doc as like flu without the runny nose or sneezing its most odd.........

Friday

Shunted our lad to a friend to take to school as we had to get to the crematorium at nine. Had to stop half way due to worry about the cars ability to cool its self, we got there early anyway. Waited by the same door i did with Ms Fussy's funeral, eventually Handy's neighbour arrived then others... eventually his wife. The van drew up as if it were a hurse, even driven by a top hatted funeral director with a big white beard. Complete with well barrow logo and the phone number of the gardener who lent it, it rolled past the door and we saw the "cardboard box" It was big, bigger than he was, and oddly printed with very fake wood grain with six plain carrying strops on either side. It had a CD player on top and the obligatory bunch of flowers. His lads took a handle along with one grandson, who dithered so one had to carry one side all himself. I didn't go forwards, feeling his dead weight would have been to terrible for words.

Inside to an odd mix of music on the CD player on the box, at one time it seemed to be the wedding march! His red headed son stood up and said some things about his dads life. He met his wife at 14 on a school trip, married at 16 as she was pregnant. Worked in an iron ore mine, got a job making farm gates etc built himself and the kids a boat for the local canal then a sailing boat called "rust" out of steel, was asked to make an boat for someone, said yes without having the skill or premasis, build a shed and made the boat and eventually made 10 or 12 big pleasure boats for tourist transportation. Built his own boat sailed round France and med, to arrive back where i first met him more than 20 years ago..... The chav neighbour from across the road got up and said what a good friend he had been to her, extracting her from her "bad relationship" her ex was a heroin addict and her and her two kids needed extracting. He rented a van and helped her do a flit in the night, her ex returned to smash al her house windows one night (his children inside terrified) I was surprised but she wanted to say something, she not usually outspoken. I must say Handy often referred to her and "that daft bitch across the road"...no one said anything else, his granddaughter was frantically sobbing all through, thrown on her mums shoulder. He went out to the fire with "I was Born Under A Wandering Star" a song he used to sing to his kids when they were young...

I didn't cry at my mums funeral, i didn't cry at my mates funeral i didn't cry at Our friends funeral, i did cry at this one.

We went back to the flat, filled with his offspring, and adopted offspring and some friends etc...So many Welsh accents. His wife talked of his dieing and how he was talking to the ambulance men, every step til he died in hospital not long after..4.15 in the morning, even the ambulance people looked shocked apparently. Chatted to the guys who looked hard drinking lads, one who fixed churches and historic building structures...One who survays boats and is now trying to unravel a boat place that built boats with no regard for the structural integrity and now has huge insurance claims...his daughter was there too, the one who's children were "registered carers" for...the one that boasted to her mother that she had 76 sexual partners (a few years ago now...) one son didn't come back from the Crematorium. The one with the clinically mad girl friend, I think she stopped him.

Thursday

The day i'd usually visit.

Well its at nine now, but what with trafic and the weather
everyone will be late... so fuck'em.... the last one i went to there was CofE, the local vicar warbled on maybe i was the only one listening to what he said but every word seemed to reiterate what a slave religion Christianity is.

Andy was the most anti religion person ive ever met and his kids are of the same opinion. They are going to play some music he often listened to when working, which he didn't even know the name of..apparently its something classical that i found for him on the net. His wife is surrounded by her family thankfully, married since Andy got her pregnant at 16 they were never apart. Along the way he acquired various people he regarded as his family from the single mum across the road to his lads ex girl friends and their kids. He was a very open person who saw it as his duty to look after people. By turns infuriating and charming he had an ability of clear sight.

Andy was the most intelligent guy ive ever known. I knew him for over 20 years. It really is like loosing a parent to me.