Friday

Mr Lecturer is stil in hospital, salty water washing in and out of the poor buggers bladder. Produceing buckets or very red pee. We went to visit after wifes work. Took soem toothpaste and our son took hima suger free lollypop. fuck hospitals are grim, we walked past both wards that our friend was on, glanceing side to side one sees terribly wan old lookign faces on youg people, wraked with pain and resignation, trapped in a body that now attacking them internaly. Who knows what my own body is now growing inside it, maybe we all are. Our friend, looking back certainly had symptoms for, what, five/six years...more actuly. Lecturer lay looking fed up. Liters of salty claret colourd water collecting in a plastic bag. the nurse took away a two liter jug full of frothy red liquid.

I look round and think, is this where i will end my own life?... come to die in a place cluttered with oxy bottles and piles of paper boxes. Too warm, airless, unhealthy feeling. Or wil i be visiting the wife, watching her fade in pain. Walkign out of any of the entrances one is hit by a wave of stale tobaco smoke and fag buts, alwasy a crowed ernestly drawing smoke, even a full term pregnant girl at the door of the maternaty oposite. Some look very ill aready, they should at least make a room for them to smoke in.

Thursday

Went to dentist to get teeth polished etc. Nice lady, chatted about kids, she has three!. Felt prity good when i came out, haveing made myself go again. Dropped off one bin bag for our friends clothes with barnadoes charity shop on the way.

After noon Mutual friend came round with the lad , her daughter was off with a school friend. Chatted, moaned and bitched. No new developments there, tho she mentioned that next Monday was "thier" dead line. She complimented me on how we were handleing it, she dont realise how in bits we are. No benifit to show it tho.

Then had phone call from Mr Lecturer from hospital. He had a "thing" burnt off the inside of his bladder last week (friday i think) but has started to pass a lot of blood. Rushed to hospital. We visited him and he seems chipper enough tho i suspect a little frieghtened. he had soem thierd year student doctors visit him and as he needed to wee he invited them to inspect the result. Bright red pee with blood clots in it. One said ....Dos'nt that worry you!.... to which he said YES thats why i rushed to hospital!.

Just checked the emails. My heart speeds up when i even think of checking the emails. Nothing there thank god. Less we have to do with these bastards the better.

Wednesday

No i havent looked at the emails yet , so im quite calm. Tommorow i have to go get me theeth cleaned, so thats causeing stress. Im going to take a sack of her clothes to a charity shop on the way. I asked the wife if she wanted anything out of the sacks, the coat. The coat is heavy fliecey long black with furry blue linining, we both saw our friend spend hours makeing it. I will sort ot out tho wife says she just wants it to put in the cupbord maybe for ten years then wear it.

Tuesday, manovering

I just took the Mystery white envelope to the Will solicitor. The white envelope, was given by or friend to our mutual friend for safe keeping, she handed it to us as she thought it contained the final Will, and it was inaproprate to keep it. We didnt open it. We did however mention it at first Will reading and the solicitor said we should all get together and open it.... We have tho found out (from Dotty and mutual friend) that it contains (we strongly suspect) the first draught of the Will. Hand writen by our friend. Now we thought if all the Executors opened it, "they" would imediately try to stop it getting out. As aprently it called the sis "paranoid" maybe more. And its proves her intentions before she got really ill. So as a subtal manover at the meeting on Saturday, the wife said, the white envelope was given to Mutual friend for safe keeping and may (well it might, who really knows!) a private letter to her and be none of our concern. And we sugested that we hand it to the soclicitor to open and IF ITS NOT THE FINAL WILL, he could return it to Mutual friend. Who will then "deal" with it..... at our meeting the other day with the solicitor he said a handwriten Will woudl hold great weight in court.......... she knows how to deal with that!

I phoned her and told her what we had done, she was quite impressed with our stratagem. I only hope it works out.


This morning i went to her house and picked up all her clothes for takeing to a charity shop. Im going to take them quite far away, i dont want to be suprised by seeing someone wearing her clothes in the street. on the way home in the car the bags carried the smell of her house, smell of church, from the guilding suplies (gums and murr etc).

Monday. is it all worth while?

Im questioning it all now, is it worth while? It seems stacked against us, the dark forces are gathering themselves. Really i feel like giveing it all up resigning and abandoning it all. "they" are intent on selling the house. The will only had three bits... the funeral, which they took over and did as they wanted, the house which they are jacking up the costs of till its untenable and the lad, which they seems intent on snatching. So we ride into battle with little hope that our friends dieing wishes will be respected in any way. If we did resign, which im sure they want, then what. A skip for her belongings. A for sale sign for the house, a cold grave away from where she wanted it and three way custody battle thro the courts.

And the email with its vield threats and snipeing. I hate them.

Monday. is it all worth while?

Im questioning it all now, is it worth while? It seems stacked against us, the dark forces are gathering themselves. Really i feel like giveing it all up resigning and abandoning it all. "they" are intent on selling the house. The will only had three bits... the funeral, which they took over and did as they wanted, the house which they are jacking up the costs of till its untenable and the lad, which they seems intent on snatching. So we ride into battle with little hope that our friends dieing wishes will be respected in any way. If we did resign, which im sure they want, then what. A skip for her belongings. A for sale sign for the house, a cold grave away from where she wanted it and three way custody battle thro the courts.

And the email with its vield threats and snipeing. I hate them.

Today after writeing that, i dashed out to see Fivemum, desperate to chat and bitch with someone fairly normal. Shes ill, back pain, chough etc. I cant say i didnt think thats how our friend started. Anyway we chatted and bitched for a time and i went to pick up son from school.

Sunday rage

Well that was a quite pleasant day till the wife made the mistake of opening the email. Ohh they claim not to have read our mail before rushing down to cover thier arses. Oh big biz guy dont read his emails every day, hard to belive. Anyway usual ranting mail, rubishing our friends finacial acumen, her friends (We know things about you people she told us etc) Saying we cast inuendo about Executorship (ah?).... they seems extreemly intent on selling the house now. To recover the shortfall. And not keen to let Mutual friend have any money soon for the lads upkeep.(it says in the will that they have a solid finacial base, so "they " cant see why they need money. ) Im actuly vibrateing with rage right now. They think everybody down here is against them, well thats true but because they are vile people. If you met them you would think, what a nice couple. Try dealing with them tho and youll find a right pair of nasty buggers.

Hes flying off to USA next week, too much to hope that his plane will crash i sopose. They also say they cant see why we had three estate agents to look at house, because you asked us to, might be an answer. Why we went to a finacial advisor, well what else can we do?. And why did we go to the solicitor? because you hadnt comunticated with us and we dont trust you. They rant on about how much money they lent our friend, so, im sure they never put themselves in danger from this. We helped her too, the diferance is we asked nothing in return.

Saterday blues

Due to go out with mr Lecturer. Phone call about ten, our email has apparently drawn them out, they area down here and have to meet. (that 300 mile search way in one day, god they must have panicked)... I was dreading it all, but was ok, talked about mortgage, showed us the probate form etc. Its obvious bes still angling to sell the house, now hes conjured up a "loan" from her father of £7500 which he wants back, no proof it was a loan just bank statements etc to show it went her way. If it comes down to the wire we will deny its a loan, but a gift, since no paperwork is evident. Valued furniture etc (not much, such is the sum of the things we save up for a worry about) They seemed apologetic about the snitty email, saying it wasn't directed at us, it was. Only time they mentioned the lad was to say she was putting together some photos for an album for him. Not a word of how he was or anything. They did mention the goldfish again. We are still maintaining an aura of ignorance as per their intention to challenge the will, maybe that's why they are now so keen to settle the Will, clear the decks. Its not going to be that easy.

Went out late with Mr lecturer, and as we stopped at a junction, someone drove in the back of his car. Not a great day.

Phoned Mutual friend to inform her they were in town (tho only till tonight) She hadn't had any word from them at all. Wife had the usual talk about how awful it all is. More bad news tho.... Granddad has changed his mind again, he is going to lie to the court, and say his son had contact with the lad every Wednesday. "rarely miss a day" Formerly he was going to say that his son barely acknowledged the lad. Covering for his sons is what has led him to have two sons, one a hopeless achy the other a well known thief. Im pretty angry that our mutual friend didn't as i suggested get the negative statement immediately he said he would do it, instead she was very middle-class about it and thought he would stand by what's best for his grandchild.Not a great day as i said.

Oddly we just had a letter from Our Friends solicitor. Asking for a list of people who would provide statements in support for the lad staying where he is. He even enclosed a stamped addressed envelope... surely pretty unheard of in a solicitor!, He really is on our friends side in all this.


On our way out bumped into Earthfriend, she said she would be very happy to give a statement. She's used to doing this sort of thing.

A day filled with roller-coaster feelings, now im sad, started off well, felt ok after meeting. Now its bad. I keep feeling i could do more, or i've missed something. The effect of stress on the wife isn't helping, maybe its me, she seems to get slower all the time, always needing chivvying along, Which annoys the hell out of her and me. But i think maybe its me, working on mainlined adrenalin.

Friday

Last night we fired off an e-mail asking for full details of out friends mortgage and to be told just what they had done so far. It felt like we were a battle ship, sailing onto a enemy shore and we just opened up with our first real salvo of guns. I know this is really just the start but it feels good now to have started. We may regret all this in the future but we take comfort that we are doing the right thing by our friend and her son. They are wrong.

I still find it difficult to believe what's happened, and the compounding of such a terrible event by someone related to her. The wife put its this way, the sis she feels sorry for, she is mad, her husband however she despises. He's and intelligent guy, pandering to his wife's madness, offering her the lad as a comfort toy. Just writing that has made me feel sick.

Its normal to feel good at the first salvo, elated even. I've seen interviews with D-day veterans saying when they saw the bombardment of the beach area they worried a lot less, thinking that nothing could live under so much exploding ordinance. They were wrong but it got those brave guys up the beech. I expect that is how it will be for us.

Went to see Mutual friend this afternoon after school. We didn't stay too long, her daughter seemed a little fractious and tired, i didn't want the kids to fight. We chatted over a cup of tea. She very worried about it all but knows it is the right thing to do. She told us that her solicitor said that it would be a good to start collecting statements from friends, anything relevant. So me and wife will do one, granddad, Spit (who volunteered to do one), Maybe our friend the lecturer too, Dotty of course, maybe Mrs Garden and Armchair, see if Hotdog knows anything maybe, Fearful, maybe Godbotherer, im sure more i cant think of right now..

mutual suggested that the mystery white envelope that might or might not contain a hand written will (calling her sister paranoid) written right at the beginning of her illness when they told her she had a year to live. Should be passed to her solicitor for him to open. Seems a good idea.

Thursday

Usual Mr and Mrs handy this morning. He's disgusted by the Will business. But then he's appalled by what people will do to each other given one speck of a chance. No emails tonight at least so far.

I forgot to say yesterday, the solicitor said the residency thing might take two years!...... dam dam dam, it could be solved right now if idiots wernt involved.

Hippiechick and Gothman dropped round tonight, she doing art foundation and hes doing some sort of science acess course now. They seem quiet sorted out nowdays which is good. Aparently our old flat had been done up again, i spent god knows how long doing it all and now its been doen again.

midweek

This morning, delivering son to school, a lad accompanying his brother and dad started to chatter about a "poorly horse" we asked and chatted back to him and the wife walked beside him across the car park. The boy put out his hand and held my wife's hand as they walked, it was so sweet. His dad said they had seen a horse and carriage on the top road that had suffered an accident. He said blood all over the road, carriage in bits in the hedge, horse looked grazed but was standing up... his boy looks older than he is as he's on steroids, he has leukaemia.

just waiting to go pick up wife and go to solicitors...got my huge file bag full of crap. Pen,Will and emails printed out.... list of questions. Hope we don't forget anything, im hoping seeing as he spent time talking to our friend in hospital he's prepared fro this attack. I hope we don't forget anything or think of some really important questions when we walk OUT of the office.

smoke me a kipper.....

Well that was interesting. The solicitor is a nice guy, sort of like a, trying to be trendy, uncle. We spent an hour chatting. First question, do you have to report this conversation to the other executors, answer, no, we are just three people talking, good. Will "they" have to resign as executors if the make a challenge, as he's a minor almost certainly yes, Good. Can they keep the Will secret from the court, (he was suprised we even asked), definately not! Good. Can the estate remburse mutual friend for costs due to chalenge, yes she can make a request,(shes been told by her solicitor it will cost £2000 to go thro the courts etc) if she wins , not so good but still OK. We chatted and found out that "they" have phoned him a few times!, without informing us as they should, as it racking up costs to the estate. Once he was told that they had collected most of the money bits and were "almost" ready to go for probate (the final tieing up of the estate) which suprised us and him as we told him they hadnt mentioned it to us and we had our friends acounts etc.... And, and he said he was offended by this, they rang to virtuly acuse him of makeing a Will for soemone under the influence of heavy drugs who had been unduely influenced into giving her lad to a "stranger"! Prity unbelivable.

The solicitor told us what had happened. Our friend had contacted the lady solicitor that had done her conavayanceing(house sale thing) to ask about a will. He had acompanied her as he's the expert in Wills. He had introduced himself to her (at home tho obviously ill) then left the lady solicitor to chat to her (she has know here for a long time) then returned after awhile, to start the Will. Took it away to be typed and returned the next day and sorted it out. He said that the "Statements" were his suggestion to make it totally watertight and intimated the first meeting was so that two solicitors could make statements that she wasn't out of her head on drugs and was in a fit state to make a Will.

He was obviously on our side, commented that "they" hadn't a hope of winning anything. But that "they" had on the phone to him said they were going to challenge weeks ago.

he said we had to get them to send us details of anything they had done. As none of it could be proceeded with without us, and to make sure he wasn't making a mess (deliberate or not) of it all and reducing the inheritance. And we should say we had to put in place funding for the lads upkeep as soon as possible.(that will shit them up a bit) It is ok to settle the Probate bit even when the family court thing is ongoing. So tonight we must compose a subtal demand. And email it. He said keep copies (as we have been ) even if they don't answer as silence will "speak volumes" latter in court. They may well be in deep water and liable for anything they have done off their own back.

I phoned mutual friend and informed her of the meeting, she seemed encouraged, tho still pretty pissed off, which is understandable. She's worrying about the money, she has some money that she says she will spend, but she's from the so called "professional classes" and, well they often worry about money and how to keep it.

Just remembered aparently one Executor can sort of demote another Executor. So they are not involved in every decision.The solicitor mentioned it in a sort of pointed way. I think that "they" sugested getting us demoted to him maybe. And he pointedly told us, no one can do that unless, you (he pointed at us)... agree. Tiz all smoke and mirrors ah.

We also discover what is in the "mystery white envelope" no not by opening it. But i asked Mutual friend if there was a copy of the draght Will in our friends own handwriteing as the solicitor said that woudl carry great weight in court . Proveing she wasnt gaga and wasnt pressured. And Mutual friend says thats whats in the envelope! Which is a result. She also said that Grandad was writeing a letter, and in it was that our friend had asked him in 2002 if it was alright for her to apoint our mutual friend as a guardian for the lad. To which he agreed... so she cant have made that statement under drugs or due to undue pressure from what "they" call a total stranger... tho in what hellish world a total stranger walking into hospital and takes on a seven year old from a drug addled person, i dont know, but aprently in thiers its posible.

Tuesday, glory of unknowing

Im not looking at the emails. Im fairly happy and i dont want to risk not sleeping again. Tommorow we are seeing the solicitor who did the Will. He did it sitting next to our friend in hospital, got it typed and returned in two hours too, he seems an ok bloke. Im wondering how much she told him about what might/would happen. Im hopeing hes got it all legaly stiched up. Trying to write down the questions we need to ask, traditional bit of paper with scraw on it!.

Saw Fivemum this morning. Poor girl shes knackerd. the youngest is still there tho he could be at school. I suspect both her and him dont really want to part, 12 years of constant kids is a habit thats hard to brake.

monday, bloody monday

call from mutual friend, she's obviously upset. Deadline for court was today for the evil ones application... Mutual has been on to the court, the evil ones have been in contact, on the day they got the request to release the will, to say yes they are going to make an application, send the forms and the court gave them an extension of two weeks. So longer agony. On the plus side they haven't email us yet. Mutual was going to phone them about arangeing visits to and from the lad, i sort of convinced her to write instead. Easier to be controlled in writing, but i impressed on her the need to examine her letter carefully so as not to give them ammunition.

All this opens the door on some very damaging opinion that our friend held on her bro and sis in law. They are going to be damaged by it im sure (lets not beat about the bush, i hope they are damaged by it...in fact i hope they die and the world would be a better place)

Im waiting now for the solicitor to phone back and give me and wife an appointment to see him, we have some big questions to ask.

Aranged to see solicitor Wednesday morning. He seemed a little suprised to hear from me, i expect he was told by our friend that somthing like this would happen but expected it erlier. We must write down some questions to ask, cant aford to be as disorganized as normal.

Sunday, cold nip in the air.

Clear sunny and bright, tho its aparent that Autumn is on its way. Nippy where the sun isnt on you. Morning spent car worrying and stuff, fixed car.

Afternoon at mutual friends. I chatted to him wife chatted to her, manily bitching about "them". I joined in some of the time. Saw "The Letter" to the court. The one the judge couldnt make head nor tail of, it is ramberling and angry and lies too. I feel better now though, now we know our enemy is truely confused in thought and seemingly just lashing out. The kids played amicably, our conversations stopping when they aproached. We wondered if they indeed have any legel advice, since surely any solicitor would tell them to stop being antagaonistic and obstructive. Maybe, maybe not tho, my experience of solicitors in the past isnt very good. If they mount a bid (tommorow, or at least then they have to ask for an extension or leave to make a bid latter) they will have a solicitor surely? Who if they are in anyway worth the money tell them to stop. If they hadnt done any of this we could all be getting on with our lives now. The lad setteling down and looking forwards to half term with them and us grieving our friend. Our mutual friend told us that two week before ehr death our friend was in hospital, crying about the posibility that her sister migth get her hands on the lad, she spent her last couple of weeks worrying about that.

Saturday

Went to the house today. To get some things people have ordered from our friends little company, trying to get some money together to pay her bills. Felt very strange going thro all the draws, notes etc in her handwriteing. Good job she was more organized that we are, found most things we needed. Listened to some phone messages, last time for that, the phone is now disconected. The place smells of frankinsense still, like a catholic church. It was so sad there, so quiet, still, all her stuff there, her coat and bag thrown over the chair back the last time she came home.


Went and got some stings for my Hurdy gurdy project. Home and got a sound out of it, im so suprised it worked at all.


My heart is racing, "they" sent another e-mail... willfully misunderstanding our mail to them. makeing it look like we had given permision to release the will when we havent (we made it quite clear we had no objection, but the other executors (the evil ones) did. Dealing with poeple so awful is very very hard. They are not the sort of people i know and i feel poluted by comunicateing with them at all.

They have sent an email demanding that our mutual friends solicitor "does not act" on our email..... shurgs, we said we gave permision but they had "other views" and he would have to ask them, we made it abundantly clear that "they" didnt give permision. How can one deal with someone who reads somthing then goes off on some stupid selfish crusade, why are they trying to hide it?

We just replyd, saying basicly fuck off, in more nice words, and re -read our email you gits, you have no idea what your talking about and i will say it again slowly for you you idiot. And playing it like we dont know what they are planning (to chalenge the will as it pertains to the lad) and since he informed us that the Executors have a duty other than to out mutual friend. We informed him we had a duty to the Will and our Friends wishes (which means not you, fucking shit head gitfaced cunt) in the Will it say in clear fasion that the lad is to go to our mutual friend not to them.... he cant in the end keep that from the court, especialy if the make a bid, i wonder if they know that to our way of thinking and some legel advice we have they have to resign then...and we fucking definately will realease the Will to everybody!


We sent it knowing its now war. Unavoidable and a just war, i just hoped it would be further in the future. Im shaking with rage.

end of the week.

Phoned mutual friend to inform her of the new events. She said typical they are throwing every spanner in the works they can. The tone of the letter (im sure you will agree) etc is fairly typical, he does things and asumes everyone is going to go along with it. Wonder if theres a snotty email waiting for us when i look. She raised a fair point tho, as she will be fighting for the Will she might at our descretion be entitled to be remburst for expenses..... interesting concept there, maybe the Evil ones will have to pay for messing her around after all. Or rather the lads inheritance. Sadly.

No email yet. Mutual friend had thought we were in constant contact with them. We arnt, so they havent even asked about the lads welfare for three weeks so far..... how can they be this way?

Thursday

Usual seeing Mr and Mrs Handy. Chat and tea. Their downstairs neighbours are giving them gyp. They object to them walking round their flat, usualy by playing very loud "chav" music till late at night. As usual the council are about as much use as a chocolate teapot. Im remembering why we moved now. Poor Mr handy he's the cleverest person ive ever met. Now so damaged by his interactions with people he cant face them unless forced. His wife is nice and cant sleep thro the noise. What the world does to us!

Phoned Mutual friend to tell her of the request for the will to be revealed to the court. We are invited to tea on Sunday to calibrate both our birthdays. The sis and bro in laws letter has been liberaly distributed around it seems, though not to us, its gone to Granddad, who is very very angry about it. He pointed out several lies they have told and is now composing a letter to the court himself. Apparently it describes our mutual friend as "a Stranger", well to them yes, but certainly not to the lad or our friend, this i think, shows how they are thinking. She is a stranger to them. Its all about them. No one else, the selfish bastards.

I knew something like this would happen. Just had an Email from the terrible two. Commenting on the letter of yesterday. The mail said that they had had the letter and see attachment, as they were sure our attitude would be the same as theirs. Bollox is it. The attachment was a letter to the solicitor (mutual friends solicitor requesting that the will be released to the court) Saying that they didn't want her solicitor having the Will and basically demanding that the court contact them in person. How wanky and arrogant can you get!.
We mailed them saying we had given our permission in an email, but made it clear that it was our permission and their should be sought too. (we have to keep sweet with them after all) On the grounds we had to combat the fathers claims on the lad as soon as possible. I know what they are doing here. They are stalling to give their solicitor time to mount their own bid. The will makes it very clear who she wanted to look after the lad and it wasn't them.
Maybe they think they can mitigate the Will, probably with claims of undue pressure etc. Fact is mutual friend has a collection of people willing to state who our friend wanted to look after her child and her low opinion of her sister. Maybe they are arrogant enough to suppose that they can conceal the will, the letter to us certainly might look like an attempt to browbeat us. It hasn't worked. I despise them so much, when you think they cant sink any lower they do.

Midweek

Dentist day. Scrub teeth, floss teeth, put toothpaste on teeth, scrub again, mouth wash, maybe another scrub, it takes half an hour, gums bleed! Always takes me an hour to gird myself to actualy go through the door. I have a routine. I park there in back lane, i walk a certain way, i always forget Boots don't sell the mouth wash i want, i go to Superdrug and get something that says it gets rid of gunk. You have to shake the bottle, and i prefer the clove flavoured one. I visit other places. eventualy its half an hour to go and i got to the public toilet and have a final crap and hold mouth wash for about five mins, spit, flush and walk slowly to the monument half way up the hill, sit down, till its ten to. Walk slowly to dentist office. Go in make weak joke about being frightened. New girl dentist (its always new dentists, i think straight from collage, tho they never admit that) she was nice. I introduced myself as Mr Terrified, she asked why, i said i hate metal stuck in my teeth, she said she never did that, she did just that, tho gently, teeth ok but noted to "watch" one filling, which sounds awfully like a suspended sentence. She wants me to have my teeth scrubbed and descalled, hygienist latter in month, which to me is almost as bad as real dentist. my gums cant look too good. Despite my fear i noticed she had firm breasts leaning on my head, so warm tho that virtulay transparent actic white uniform, when she turned away to do something on computer i noticed her "sensible bra" strap....

some developments. letter from solicitors. They want permission to show the will to the family court, and inform us of father bid to have custody of the lad. Interesting , i presume the other (sis and brother in law) executors got the same letter. They will go absolutely nuts at this, i hope they both have a stroke. Im wondering if we can refuse to divulge the Will, obviously its to our advantage to do so, but its an interesting idea.

Tuesday

Interesting developments. This afternoon went round to mutual friends ostensibly to chaneg my cars oil useing her drive way. We chatted and aprently Grandad has changed his mind about lieing in court. Hes now right behind her and therfore against his son. And says he will stand up in court to say he would be an unfit father! Thats quite a good development. Aprently the father was to have acess this last week end, but, and this is the first legel acess hes had, ever, he texted grandad to say he couldnt make it! Is he thinking better of it? i dont know, i think maybe his new girl friend is pushing and hes got some idea of family life thats unrealistic. I know from old if hes pushed, he just leaves.

monday

No new disasters, just some old ones. Mutual friend phoned, i now totaly asociate her with bad news. First she offerd me soem funriture she wants rid of, but he had to much already, then told me she had a copy of the sis and bro in laws letter to the court. She said its disorganised and rambeling and seems to point out flaws in her residency aplication, but these amount to, who too the lad to school over the last months of our friends life. (they are confuseing which bit mutual friend is talking about since she picked him up from school at least once a week for the last two years) She said it was typical bro in law, prity silly and vendictive, but said nothing about a chalenge. Just trying to rubish her. I been thinking if someone was to ask the evil pair in court. "who did our friend want to have her son" the answer would have to be our mutual friend. And "why do you want him" then they would be revealed as the mad people they are.

Aprently (i might have told you before) the evil pair have had another death in their circle. Cynicaly i said to Mutual friend that that was to our advantage, keeps them ocupied and maybe more outwardly mad too.

Sunday, birthday

Im still not right happy. Wife and son got up early and made a flat looking cake with some candles on it , which was nice. And Son made a card. Hotdog came round with his daughter, with a card with a fiver in it, nice of him and he paid me £30 for the rush ice cream sign, i feel guilty about that 'cos the job he wanted it for, a regata, started so late that he only sold £100 of ice cream and he had to pay for the pitch and somone to work it, so with my pay he didnt make anything for all his effort. Went to Godbotherers house for some tea, she gave me a book (second book of "worst case" survival books, which is fun) and a nice card. the card had a map on the front of my old home town. i looked at its traceing al the places i went when i was young. Felt sad at that. Round her house was Littleluo, who we havent seen since she broke up with Godbotherers son, she looks happier and is working , training as a hairdresser in London. Last time i saw her she was self harming and very down, now shes reinvented herself in the big city and realised the people she went to school with who shout at her in the street, will aways be trapped with themselves for company. Biglou Phoned as she was sopsoed to go to church with them but she been ill and couldnt go.

She had the bag of materiel i gave her last year, she said she would make me a kimono, she had just then finished working in the costume department for the dutchy Opera's production of The mikardo. She said she was showing willing just haveing the bag out and soon she would start it lol

Aparently BeutifulNurse was at Hotdogs last night, with hi snew girls friend, another Nurse. Hes very handsom and the son of a methodist Minester and grower of dope. Godbotherer said his new one didnt seem as nuts as the others, one of which he had a much loved son with. We speculate what he does to the girls to loose so many in prity quick sucession, the wife thinks he is so handsom that they jump into bed with him too soon, i said there cannot be a too soon for that.

Saturday

Tomorrows my birthday. Im prity dipressed. Seems life has no meaning, just wait to die really. I sthis ache or this spot the thing that going to kill me? have i got a terminal cough or is that head ache the end?... whats the point.

On the plus side tho no new disasters. just the old ones trudeling along like always. Oh and son has nitts, so we all have insceticide on out heads over night.

Friday

No new disasers yet, email to say its ok to let phone at house lapse and delineate thier aprently constantly dieing friends and family.....

Thursday

visit Mr and mrs handy.. chat drink tea. Come home for gas engineer. The gas central heating is fucked, its now got a danger tag on it and is capped off to stop anyone useing it. Great. Why does everyone who describes themselves as "profesional" prove to be so much trouble to me. They live in a diferent world a world called, not poor... buy another one they say as if that just ment dont buy a new car this year wait till next........ it dont mean that to me it means were going to be cold.

midweek again

The tension is getting to me and the wife, we had a blazeing row this morning, trying to get our son to school for the new term. She phoned and we both apologised tho.

i dont know what worse the silence from the sis and bro in law or when they send us an email, which usualy means i cant sleep that night.

im tired so bloody tierd withthe tension, we cant keep this up for much longer. it must be so much worse for out mutual friend. She comes froma "professional" family and is only now realiseing that that wrod basicly means they take no responsibility. Her solicitor sent notice of the meeting to everyone, and he shoudl ahve sent it only to peole with "parental responsibility" which i presume means, no one else.... such incompitance has cost us all dearly. And may yet cost the lad his freedom. Liveing with his father he will suffer badly, hes a gentle boy, he will be terribly messed up. Its nothing short of child abuse.

Tuesday. I'm too tired for all this.

Waiting in for macmillans to phone so they can collect the chair from our friends house. Mutual friend calls, can she collect the lad toothbrush he left (he's back at school today). She comes round and tells me that she has talked to the lads granddad last night, formerly he said if his son tried to take the lad he would stand up in court and say he was an unfit father. Now apparently he's back tracking and is fully prepared to lie in court. Family values ah. but how can we find who knows first hand?..no one, the only one who can is dead and they are all dancing on her grave.

One compensation the father hates the sis and brother in law (in fact called them evil bastards) the sis and brother in law hate him too.. i hope they will take huge bites out of each other in the following weeks. I actualy wish them all ill. Me the wife our mutual friend are the only ones thinking of the lad and not our selfish posesivness. why are people so casualy evil?.. i want to run away from all this, i hate people, they are worse than lice.

Just sent off al the bank forms to be filed in by sis and bro in law and valuations. they havent been in touch, probably prepareing to swoop agianst our Mutual friend, they are in for a suprise when they learn the fathers on scene, the sis may have a stroke (with any luck).

Monday

the lad and our son are playing "computers" with cardboard boxes on the floor. They have wrecked the front room, things all over the place. Apparently they woke at half four this morning and demanded of the wife that they eat a "midnight feast". they eat yogerts and apples. The wife says she was woken by the sound of the lad eating an apple like a mouse, munch, munch.

Ive semi evacuated the front room, leavening them to it, out in the garden trying to wash the milk spills and stuff out of our big blue rug. mutual friend must be at the court by now, hope its going well.

I cant believe this, call form mutual friend. lads father is contesting the custody.... i just cant believe this, he's an alcoholic, hasn't given any money for his upkeep, hasn't even acknowledged him when he's seen him... oh now he's had his hair cut, moved in with some woman and turned up at court. I fail to comprehend how someone could be so fucking selfish, so ignorant of who they are and fuck im angry about this......... apparently the evil sis and in-law sent a letter to the court, Mutual friends thinks slagging her and partner off, but the magistrate says he didn't know what to think of it and what they were trying to say.... what a fucking cesspit these people have made for the poor lad. He's playing now unaware of this shit flying round. I hope we can keep it that way.

Seem mutual friend, she's pretty shook up. So am i, i feel achey all over from the tension. The father, claims to be a reformed character, and he is quite a nice chap. i always got on with him, tho i, apparently, am more aware of what he is than he is. he's got a new girl friend, who he says he is engaged to (she had three children, older children) and lives with her in same town as me. He wants his lad, now he says he's sorted himself out. Well this is the guy who, wouldn't talk to people who wore glasses, as they might be a "bit cleaver like" who when he was ranting about all gays ought to be killed, was told that Gaylord was gay, (he's about as gay as one can get, and open about it) ranted about gaylords character been defamed. the person that when my Friend couldn't work another day, because she was in agony and couldn't get out of bed, and she asked him for some money to cover the mortgage (£80 a week) sent her £20... once... who never went near her when she was ill, who hasn't asked about the lad from day one.....

The letter from the Devil sis. The magistrate was apparently one of them distant, superior characters, looking down his nose at the letter thro' half moon glasses, he asked if anyone else had seen the letter, and what they made of it, no one had. He said he didn't know what point they were trying to make, indeed what they intended to say. (i presume it was the Sisters work, as she gets loopy).. presently Mutual friend will get a copy and we will see what is in it, what kind of psychopath she really is. At least the father said that he would far rather that the lad went to our mutual friend than "that mad bitch"...... out of this me and mutual friend are agreed, she and me and my wife seem to be the only ones genuinely thinking of the lad and his mums wishes. Everyone else is purely thinking of what they want, and what they need.

The lad would i think if asked say he would love to go live with daddy. For the last couple of years he's has been craving contact with him, to the extent he has fantasised trips to the zoo etc.. with him, told all his school friends and teacher. After a day the novelty would wear off for both of them im sure, what is it he wants for his son? to grow up a pathetic weak alcoholic like his dad, working in the shit tanks of ships down the docks or labouring for builders?.... im so tired of this, so sad, so angry too... that poor lad has lost his mum, and now dark forces circle him on all sides.

Sunday. her birthday.

Dashing out to shops. This morning i found that the night scented stocks had, well wernt lookign good, so we needed some plants. We went to the further garden center, Our friend had worked at the nearer one, she was constantly exhausted and in pain there and the management were arseholes. So we traveld a long way to get a primrose and a violet plant. I rememeber her working in the indonesian wooden thing shop. I chatted to her and she was in dispare, feeling hopeless. so i went and go ther a bunch of violets, she cried then, went into the back of the shop and put then in the little sink there. Alongside another bunch, someone else had given her, lol.

On the way back we all went blackberry picking. our son really enjoyed it and so did we. Ive just eaten blackberry crumble and custard. The wife rememberd a time when we were so poor, we collected blackberrys, nuts and apples from the hedgerow, to eat better. My mum used to take us blackberrying and freeze dozens of pies that we eat for months after.

3.30 at the cemetry gates, Gaylord arived first, the Fearfull in a taxi. gaylord sugested going in and sitting ont a bench so we did. Others arived, some i didnt know, one i didnt know but knew me. We chatted till Mutual friend and co drove up, chatted some more. As we walked to grave side, we say Godbotherer standing at the grave side. She had borrowed a trowel from her batty old lady neighbour, who was paranoid about getting it back. Shes had a handfull of daisy plants. We stood about talking. Till someone started to plant things, her grave looked bare and barren. fearfull had a wrieth she had made, out of pumpkin vine with a flower. She said our friend had marveled at the size of pumpkin flowers on her alotment (she was never very planty)... we laid the wreiths and planted the plants. Chatted. gaylord anounced that tea and cakes were at his home. We all dispersed, Bu tbefore that one lady had a Happy Birthday helium balloon, she handed the ribbon to the lad and whisperd that he coudl let it go, so it went up to mummy. He let it go and we watched it fly, i was the last to loose it in the grey sky. It was a very tinny speck then, i hope she got it. Round gaylords we sat, drank tea eat biscuits. The kids played from room to room makeing a riot. gaylord is off on 14th, going to Barcalona with his gay mate in an old Bently r type.

the lad had abit of a crisis when we were due to leave. He said he wanted a toy from our mutual friends hous ebefore he coudl visit us, then he wanted to go and sleep at his house. What he really wanted was to be normal again, in his house with his mum, all that is now lost, who can blame the poor lad.... hes here now snuggled on the setee. hes seems subdued.

saturday

Up late last night, it was half two before id finished. just taken it to lock up. No one about so i left it in sun to dry a bit more. Hope its Ok, dificult to match colours under a bare light bulb in the shed in the middle of the night. carrying it to the car i was touching in the odd bit with indelible pen.


Mutual friend phoned, we are to have a little meeting at the grave side tommorow on her birthday. I'll take the night scented stock i think. The lad is coming to play with our son. And stay overnight so they can go to the residency meeting at the court on Monday.

friday.

Been to visit Fivemum. As alwasy shes exhausted, but makeing blackberry jam, the kids have got obsessed with collecting blackberries, they have pounds and pounds, they must be like locusts in the local fields. As we arived their normal lively new dog wouldnt aproch us and stood a way off looking very sad. last week oneof the girls had thrown a stick for him and it had got shoved down his throat as he ran. The girl pulled it out, all bloody, aprently. Fivemum phoned the vet but couldnt aford the £40 call out fee (not haveing a car herself) or the estimated £100 for treatment. So she had stayed up all night feeding the poor dog sips of milk, expecting it to die. Five or so days latter it looks ok, its walking round, but looks very thin and bedraggled. She gave us a jar of jam to take away with us.

Fivemum had had a phone call from mad germans partner. He lunatic scheme to move to St Kits has progressed. Shes bought a ship container, which she intends to live in out there, in the garden of her house she had put a deposite on, as its full of lodgers!... taken redundancy from her job, got £800 for that to buy the container... now she has to get a job this week...as we drove back i saw her looking in a shop window full of cards (for sale etc) i pretended not to see her, she really is nuts.

Bollox, hotdog came round expecting me to have doen his ice cream sign. Im coverd in paint right now waiting for it to dry. Got to deliver it to his lock up tommorow as hes useing it tommorow... and ive just rememberd this second, if i have any varnish, its in the the dammed shed, in the dark.... dam dam.

keep thinking its friday but its thursday

Saw mrhandy as is usual for a thursday. Seem happyer today , at least hes not bemonaing the fact his parents were long lived and he couldnt stand another year of his missery. Talked valves and the biz news, had a good laugh at the absurdity of high paid executives stupidity. Chatted about a millionare friend of thiers who seems exclusively to pick lunatic women.

Went to beech after wifes work, she swam, i sat dejectedly, son paddled. Went for curry round her firends, we only just got back/excaped. Hes nice but so normal in his attitudes its both frightens and amazes me. I dont feel very social especilay with normal people.

This afternoon got the phone number of an organization that talks with bereaved kids. Phoned mutual friend and shes organizeing a littl ething at the grave side on Sunday. Which would have been our friends 50th birthday.