Thursday

I've ended up with a gas bottle for my new gas torch that i can just about carry, but only just! this is due to the arcane way gas bottles are sold. Basically you have to put a deposit on the bottle of £25 then pay for the gas. Well you do if its a small bottle , as they get stolen quite often, (knowing this i went and asked Mr Handy if he had an old bottle, i had to struggle up the loft but yes they did have one, but a butane one.) the larger bottles you just pay for the gas... so i could have had half the gas for £25 and £17 for the gas, or £25 for double the propane and no deposit...all quite odd, and quiet odd as the gas bottle place is also an undertaker.

Monday

Humm the wife got offered three weeks temp work, Initially without thinking she agreed, but when we phoned the dole office (claim still begin processed) They informed us that taking it would involve reapplying or dole... seeing as its taken a month so far to "process" and it would totally screw the Mortgage insurance, she couldn't do it. Instead she's doing two days next week to cover the other lady who wanted to do the job but couldn't for those days.... funny world of work and dole ah.

Sunday

Son."You and daddy snog don't you..."
Mum. "yes.. why?"
Son."what is it?"
Mum. "Its something grown-ups do.. I expect you will do it when your older. Its kissing."
Sun. "When will i want to?"
Mum. "When you get to be a teenager...when you get hair under your arms and start to grow a beard...
Son. "But i might not get hairy!... I might be gay!"
Mum. "Errrrrr.... gay people have hair too.."
Son, "What's gay?"
Mum "Its when a man loves other gay men, like heterosexual men love girls.."
Son. "So gay men get hair too!...I might be Hetrosesssula then"


Very odd conversations you end up having with a six year old.


Been out with Mutual friend her daughter and our son and wife. Walked along cycle path. We mention out friend all the time now without to much pain.

My arm hurts from making copper bowls, another futile effort to make money no doubt, poor deluded idiot i am.

Monday

Son back to school after week off with chicken Pox... Filled in a "job application" form, god its bloody depressing, filling in a form with absolutely no hope of getting a job. Just reminds me of the futility of life.

Saturday

Got a call from Mr lecture, he's in town down from UpNorth. made arrangements to meet on the train to town, rather typically he had missed it so we were on the station wondering what to do now. He drew up in his car, he had missed the train by moments he said.... anyway we went to another town for lunch. He looked thinner and sort of a little iller, though i said he was looking good. next week he's to go back to the hospital to see if he's "Stable" still or dieing actively. I can see he's frightened, but what can anyone do? Had a nice time wandering and chatting. He's still very bitter about the collages actions, which is a bit boring when you've heard it for the hundredth time. We moaned about the wife's treatment too, so i guess its equal. But then we are talking about starving and he's talking about... well lots more money to add to what he was in pension etc... i guess you really don't look down in life, you move on and assume everyone has what you have.

Friday

You know they say there's a still centre to an explosion? Well i can attest there is one. Its all sort of white and peaceful in there and almost silent.. I was soldering in the shed, lit the gas torch from a little gas cigarette lighter and dropped the lighter behind the vice then played the flame on the bits of brass rod in the vice to get them red hot. I adjusted the flame and it went a bit long, i noticed the lighter behind the vice (thought to myself, that a bit close to the flame) and that's when it all went white. i heard a gentle Fttt and a wizzzzzzzzzzz like a spiralling bullet was passing my ear and a faint clipping noise as it hit the ceiling..then a crackling. i realised my hair was on fire, jumped out of the shed lit torch still in hand as my hair crackled, i jumped back in the shed put the torch out, but my hair was still on fire, jumped out and beat it with my hands till it went out....went up stairs to bathroom wondering if i was in shock and actually had bits of lighter sticking out of my head.... no just frizzed hair, awful smell and very tightly trimmed eyebrows!... very very lucky.

Friday

Wife found a job fr me to apply for, cheese turner! I very much doubt i will get it, but might be fun to try.

Our money is running out, Its imperative we get the Mortgage insurance up and running, but i have my doubts it will pay out. A problem as the mortgage adds up to three weeks worth of dole money every month. The insurance forms has to be partly filled in by the old employer, if the cunt ticks redundant then it no problem, if "other" its a fucking world of pain..... The wife is dreading going to see the cunt....

Wednesday

Yesterday too wife to town for "ideal" job interview, they swore they would phone yes or no before half five, they didn't even bother to do that, bad mannered bastards. Wife was so worried about interview she went into "feeble mode" it was so hard to get her there, chivvying her along etc. Im sure she came across as dimwitted and vague in the interview... We went and lit a candle in the Cathedral not for us but for our old friend. Atheists lighting a candle for an Atheist.

Today Wife went the weary way to the dole office to sign on, gods its so depressing. I didn't want to go but she wanted me to so i accompanied her. I even had to prove who i was and they took my driving licence, which i pointed out ha the wrong address and pre marriage different name. Burocracy was appeased. Seems not as bad as it used to be, so far anyway. I'm so suspicious of them, i don't trust them at all. Probably the nice front is a trick to get you to say things that disqualify you from getting anything.

Monday

I couldn't stand the tension of Dole office things, i went to see Fivemum, nominally on a search for some stone beads. haven't seen her for ages, spent time chatting to her hubby, who's fed up with carpentry, he wants to do something else, but he's is a superb carpenter. Good to head when putting in a staircase or porch, windows or a conservatory he ignores building regs lol

The killer pony has gone to a bloke who handles horses better and with more confidence. But when i arrived only Spot the dog greeted me, i didn't think anything of it till Fivemum mentioned that the other dog had "Gone" and so had the pretty black cob. A few weeks ago the darm annoying dog had been out in the field with the younger girl doing something with the old white pony. the dog was being annoying as usual and irritating the Cob by trying to chase it. Suddenly the Cob just charged the dog across the field did a little jink and stomped it, turning sharp, it did it again! stopped and Hoofed the dogs body across the field.... walked over to the dogs limp body and sniffed it. I presume the check it was life was indeed ebbing away. i guess an animal changes in scent as it dies. To a horse a dog is just a wolf wearing new clothes. Hubby wrapped it in his coat and carried it to the old caravan, as it was too wet to dig a gave. The next morning the girl had to go to see the body she said she wanted to "just check" he was dead.... he was totally dead.

So the Cob went to a guy who "drives" horses, horse and cart stuff... Fivemum said she led him into the horse box and he looked back so sad, just like a human who's rejected.


When i got home the wife was elated, she has a job interview tomorrow, the person is leaving to care for her ill mum and they need someone on Monday. Plus the woman is very sad to leave as its such a good place to work!...fingers crossed, its three day week too. the government can make up the rest , fuck em.

Monday

I couldn't stand the tension of Dole office things, i went to see Fivemum, nominally on a search for some stone beads. haven't seen her for ages, spent time chatting to her hubby, who's fed up with carpentry, he wants to do something else, but he's is a superb carpenter. Good to head when putting in a staircase or porch, windows or a conservatory he ignores building regs lol

The killer pony has gone to a bloke who handles horses better and with more confidence. But when i arrived only Spot the dog greeted me, i didn't think anything of it till Fivemum mentioned that the other dog had "Gone" and so had the pretty black cob. A few weeks ago the darm annoying dog had been out in the field with the younger girl doing something with the old white pony. the dog was being annoying as usual and irritating the Cob by trying to chase it. Suddenly the Cob just charged the dog across the field did a little jink and stomped it, turning sharp, it did it again! stopped and Hoofed the dogs body across the field.... walked over to the dogs limp body and sniffed it. I presume the check it was life was indeed ebbing away. i guess an animal changes in scent as it dies. To a horse a dog is just a wolf wearing new clothes. Hubby wrapped it in his coat and carried it to the old caravan, as it was too wet to dig a gave. The next morning the girl had to go to see the body she said she wanted to "just check" he was dead.... he was totally dead.

Sunday

I'm fairly frantic today, its three months since wife was got rid of by her work. Tomorrow she says she's going to sign on with the dole office. Fuck its all beginning again , all that fucking dole stuff all the stupid forms and crap. They WILL decide that the wife left of her own accord, they Will make it hard work, the wife seems as ever blithely sailing on with it all, while i fall apart with worry. So if they decide she intentionally unemployed, no dole money, and the mortgage insurance will not pay probably. the wife has convinced herself that the Mortgage insurance will be fine, will lit fuck. Insurance companies are in the biz of not paying out money and they will find a way not to pay i am positive.

Shopping in Sainsburys, standing out front looking at the torrential rain, a voice says hi. i didn't recognise him with his "fun solicitor" tie but its the Will solicitor. He's a nice chap. Asked about the lad, the wife took it to mean our lad, but i didn't. We told him the lad seemed a little hit about his mums death now, more than before, but that his dad was sober for now and seemed OK, and that mutual friend was looking over him. He asked about "them" we told him that thankfully they didn't seem all that interested with the lad now they had their own way, which puzzled him. I told him the whole thing was about power and not the lad or our friends legacy, pure power play and evil. He asked about the house, i said it was sold, and that nothing in our friends will had come to pass, he seemed saddened by this, truly crest fallen, shaking his head in disbelief. We asked about his new job and his impending grandfatherdom. His job was good and very busy his stepdaughter however had lost her baby...He was looking for an assistant he said. The wife said she was between jobs and launched into one of her long involved explanations, long winded and detailed, i cut her short and said "well anyway you ended up being made redundant..." just to stop her rambling, again. Previously he had asked what she did but now seemed to loose interest totally and had to go meet his wife...

fuck im worried.

Saturday

Remember that we had a bit of trouble with the local pub being noisy and having lock in till dawn. They put the landlord on "watch" for three months and while he continued the lock ins he was quiet. yesterday i got a phone call from the licensing lady who dealt with it. The landlord's licence is being "reviewed" which means he's for the high jump, the brewery wont let him stay and risk loosing it... apparently he's been, throwing dead rats over the next doors lady's wall (as he knew she complained about him) , coppers have been called several times by the house opposite him , once at half four in morning when he was found to have a pub full of paying customers, he had the cops on him for racially abusing a bus driver outside the pub too. the licences lady asked me to write in support of the review, i will do that gladly and maybe suggest that the premasis isn't used as a pub at all... Humiliatingly how they do this is to post a big letter on his front door and leave it there for a month!.... Dickensian but funny as hell. Im so tired of these arse holes.