Wednesday

Just been talking to Weezy. She at home battered and bruised on her oxygen. this morning she had the tube camera down the throat thing at hospital with no sedative, due to her really bad heart condition. Poor girl has ulcers they rekon, i hope its just that, few years ago she had a brain tumour removed under local anaesthetic, but a further op on her brain was done with her completely knocked out as the first was so stressful they thought she might die. Poor girls go everything wrong with her, hole in heart is the worst is guess. She was once hotdogs girl friend, and he's quite off hand about it nowdays. I know she can be difficult sometimes but wouldn't anyone be under these circumstances, but then i wouldn't know how i would cope with a girl friend who might die from over excitement during sex!

Dropped in on Mr and Mrs handy this morning. Again he made me the offer to "make me a millionaire"...he wants me to learn java codeing. i just dismissively laughed and said No. he said i might regret it. I might but i think its crap his grand project. He is deluding himself and understands little about the real working of the net. His curent mark works in IE6 sometimes on 7 and not at all in firefox. This sort of hints that he is messing with deeper things than ought to be messed with. I'm sure he knows a lot but in reality he draws big conclusions by balancing the chips on his shoulders.

Friday

I keep getting waves of total desperation, abject panic and worry. Odd seeing as i've been making things again, some brooches etc, but all the time i just think it futile to just make things for no reason at all.
Yesterday went to collect the car as its been fixed, fuck £660 fucking quid. Walked three miles to get it, way back visited Mutual friend. She was amazed to see me and said she had just resolved to phone me and ask me to visit. I helped her set up her new MP3 Player etc.. chatted, She's had the lad round poor kids not doing so well now. He his normal lively and quite sunny self till something goes wrong, then its emotional explosion time. He dropped the portable DVD player went off on a complete rant, it starts with "I'm useless why cant i do that im totally useless and rubbish at everything" and progresses to acusing the nearest adult of "telling me off horribly and shouting at me" When no one is.... Its areal self loathing then a defence thing to blame others. We couldn't work out what it was about though.

Monday

In this little town its sort of a tradition for some people to announce birthdays etc with signs on lamp posts or banners on the round about. For days we have noticed one appearing with a pic of a pretty slim girl for her sixteenth birthday.... today we noticed one that said "we miss you"... They are in fact for the girl who was killed months back on the bypass. :( ... She was in her Boyfriends car and they left the road at 100mph+ and she was killed, i've not heard anything about him, last i heard he was in a coma. We all do stupid things, mostly we live sometimes we die. Im genuinely sympathetic but. This case seems to have really hit the "chav" community, like a terrible act of god took her away. it wasn't that it was stupidity of her boy friend racing another car, a car that fucked off when they crashed never to be seen again...And at her funeral there was a lot of trouble in the town, trouble because the mourners parents bought their mourning kids booze and they went on the rampage. These are people who only reaction to things is to get pissed and act like arseholes. This demeans her death. When i drive past the cross and flowers on the bypass, i think not of the poor girl but of the idiots she had as friends.

Sunday

Wife's been dancing with the Tortoise Lady, so i have the full dirt of her now lol. She is really nice though not confident, the product of being bought up surrounded by the thick twats you get commonly and having more about her than most people. Poor girl has this guy who phones occasionally and she goes round to him to have sex. She seems quite keen on sex. She said she also has a good vibrator. She needs a guy who treats her better poor lady. Bit of a "round girl" she's very jolly and devoted to her tortoises and pets.

Wednesday

Yesterday gave wife a lift to town to sign on with yet another job agency. Pulling into a parking spot i decided it wasn't big enough and tried to reverse out no reverse gear, gear box is fucked, just like that.....I've been tense for days and i sort of lost the plot, it was just too fucking much to cope with.... the car minuets before a magic carpet to places became on big fucking liability. Wife took over and phones AA from the agency.... they arrived ascertained it was fucked beyond their ability, ordered up a pick up truck. The AA were so nice, i told the guy that the difficulty was that one of us had to be home for three to pick up our lad... so the nice guy volunteered to give wife a 12 mile lift home. (they returned ten mins latter as wife had forgotten her paperwork then went off again lol) I waited for the truck, the fucking car wouldn't roll backwards to gain room to tow it up the ramp, had to get the first guy back and he jacked it and we pushed it diagonal so we didn't block the whole street. Even the tow truck guy who was notably more gruff only swore at me one, when i shut his hand in the car door!....I told him to take it to the garage in the Mid-nowhere and i had to go on bus. This was partly as i was pig sick of it and wanted to go home and partly as Mid-nowhere is hell to get home from. Then i worried that the garage had a big fire next door in a tyre dump a few weeks ago and might not be open so when home i jumped every time the phone rang in case it was the AA saying they couldn't drop it off....

This morning wife made me phone the garage. Apparently the car is in the middle of his yard being unable to move back or forwards now! The sulky mechanic said he could even look at it till next monday. Fucking hell. Last time this happened it cost near on £700.... wife disapeard upstairs and secretly phoned her mum, her mums lending us some money to get it fixed. Wife knew i was on the edge of going mental, im really feeling the strain now, uncertainty and worry.

Monday

Out to town with wife to sign on with a few job agencies. Some hope of work maybe, she seems increasingly panicked though, and when she panics it like juggling soot.

Chemical Ali phoned all exited. Another key office guy has resigned, he half the export department, the other half being the only female there. And the nice manager has been put over the Bullying one, which will make him hopefuly explode with rage.... hope the fuckers go bust.

Sunday

Last night we went out to Mrs Mini's 40th birthday party. Odd ive always thought she was much older, she certainly looks it. She's got a new baby which all the ladies cuddled and cooed over, also a downs lad, almost two and just walking. Tiny smiley very elfin face. Place was stacked with young mums and baby's or mums out having left their children with babysitters. We took ours as he's a good excuse to leave early.
They live a "normal" life Mr Mini makes false teeth and she fidles about, formerly once she worked for Disney, last i heard she was doing some backgrounds for crap cartoons. Odd being in a place full of "normal" people politely rubbing shoulders with us. Saw Godbotherer there and Weezy. Weezy looked dehydrated and tired. She had some sort of "test" at the hospital. I think with a camera up the bum thing, poor girl, no end to her health problems.

Met Mrs Dodo too,she so neurotic she seems to make her hubby's life a misery. he survives i think from working in the north sea six weeks on and six off, fixing the electrics on mimi subs. he told me he had recently got back into windsurfing. A good way of escape i think.
Hotdog was there with wife and stepdaughter, she recently taken up sex and it seems to agree with her. After being shagged by her, now ex, brutish boy friend she's gone all thin and dark eyed. I was called into fix her computer once. Terrible mess it was all clogged up with crappy spam and adware. I did the electronic equivalent of going through he knickers draw ( i was actually looking for stuff to axe off to make space) and did a search for pictures, only to be greeted with a big pic of Oafish boyfriends bare bum. Somehow its indicative that that was the rudest she could go i think. Anyway she been give the brush off by him after some drunken screwing she did.

Wife dropped in on Godbother today after trying to phone her. She had unplugged the phone saying , she had to answer the phone at work and didn't want to at home. When wife suggested she go see a shrink, she said she never would. Nutter, and getting nuttier by the day.


I once worked for a guy called Bodger. He bought himself a huge Volvo estate, silver and the odd rust hole. He instructed me to fill the holes and paint it with "This silver stuff...".. and handed me a big brush and a tin of silver Hammerite. It was a very hot summer day, Hammerite strings and runs like hell in the heat! Bearing in mind i was doing this in the street, i must have had a dozen people come past and stand aghast at what i was up to. Its looked like a cake that had been iced before it was cool in the end.